Sometimes I feel like things are just swirling around me. Like there’s no place for it to land. Like there is always a judgement or agendas attached to it all. Or more like I’m combating that and working to debunk them all as they arise.
You may have heard me mention this before but something I am insanely proud of is the level of self awareness I have cultivated over the years. In that I’m able to acknowledge things so much quicker than ever before and It allows me to process through things almost in real time versus having the “aftermath”.
Continue reading “You Are Not An Island” →
I haven’t lifted in well over a year.
I’m extremely grateful for my foundation, for what I had built in this body. It’s held strong through over 18 months of deep healing and today when I stepped back into the gym, I was pleasantly surprised by how strong this body still is… even after a very long break.
I’m in awe. And honestly, I had been avoiding this like whoa. After 10 minutes, that old excitement and joy came flowing back over me.
Continue reading “Foundation” →
Ladies, I stopped using the word “period” to describe my monthly cycle and you should too.
Did you know that period is short for what doctors would describe as a “periodic illness”?
Yes, you read that right.
Our monthly cycle, something so natural, something that quite literally creates life was referred to as a periodic ILLNESS by medical professionals, thus leading to us calling this natural thing we do, “our period”.
Say what?! Continue reading “Bleeding” →
I don’t know about you, but I am no longer in the business of talking people into loving me.
I quit that a long time ago.
I am also no longer in the business of expecting people to love the way I love, respect the way I respect, and honor their word the way I honor mine… this one has been harder to learn but still a “line in the concrete” type of staple these days.
Sometimes though, with some people those old habits still pop up, catch me off guard, and when it does it’s never a rewarding experience for anyone involved. It leads to questioning your own worth, resentment, distrust, and hurt feelings.
So this is my message to whomever needs to hear it tonight, stop pushing people to be a part of your life and stop pushing for an answer or a response on your own timeline.
Follow your intuition.
Love with all you have.
But certainly don’t beg people to see it, love it, honor it, or choose it. That’s on them, not you.
Sometimes you have to be your own motivation.
In those moments when you find yourself slipping and it feels like you’ll never get fully back on track I’ve learned that nothing motivates me more than reminding myself where I’ve been and what I’m capable of.
This picture is from last summer. I had built more muscle than I knew was possible and honestly, I felt uncomfortable as fuck about it. I loved the body and curves I built but it was just unlike the shell I had lived in for most of my life so it seriously took some getting used to. Continue reading “Honoring every piece” →
First picture, I’m standing at 128 lbs and feeling excellent. I hadn’t been lifting consistency but my nutrition was pretty solid.
Second picture, I’m down 11 lbs… Most of which was probably muscle but that’s just an assumption.
This loss was not on purpose. Not even a little bit! It followed a month long battle with a cold, then influenza mixed with a bunch a stress that ended me up in a pretty ugly bout with my hypoglycemia. I haven’t had an episode that bad in over a year. It took days to recover. I could barely move, let alone stand. It took everything I had to drink water or 3 bites of oatmeal. It was terrible.
I felt lifeless. I was scared. I remember waking up my boyfriend telling him it was worse than I thought and I was scared to go to the hospital. We decided I’d get strict and try to fight it, even if that meant him reminding me to drink pedialyte every hour because it was the last thing I wanted to do.
Do you know what being in that kind of physical state does to your mental state? It makes you think you’re the worst person in the world. It convinces you that you’re a burden on those who love you. It convinces you that it’s all your fault and if you weren’t such a terrible person then you wouldn’t have let your body get to this state in the first place. It makes you feel ashamed for something you truly can’t control. you find yourself apologizing for asking for help even though you really need it. Continue reading “Down 11 Pounds” →
7 years ago I posted the picture on the left as my “goal” physique. I wanted to be strong. I wanted to have curves. I wanted to look that way AND feel healthy.
I had zero idea how to get there.
I would try the regularly suggested methods of eating and all the “fad” ways to get the booty and abs… guess what? None of that worked. And I would go through cycles of consistency, not feel better, not get stronger, and in turn would get discouraged and then give up. Continue reading “Real Change” →
I’m not sure if it’s because we’ve recently had several serious scares with my mom’s health or if I’m attracting more of these kinds of conversations but lately I’ve noticed something among so many people I’ve encountered and it’s quite honestly pissing me off.
Here’s why; Your health isn’t something to fuck around with.
You only get one body. That’s it. There’s no redo. There’s no turning it in for a new model. And while yes, this country especially has been feeding the masses full of false information about health for decades, it’s the age of information and you have all the data you need to turn your health around at your fingertips.
Yes, doctors can be involved, and they can guide you, BUT YOU HAVE CONTROL AS WELL. You have control over the most important parts. Continue reading “PROJECT MANAGING YOUR HEALTH” →