Anxiety

Anxiety

Happiness is a choice.

I say that a lot and people who battle depression and/or anxiety tell me I’m wrong. That the choice of happiness is out of their control. Being someone who deals with anxiety, I understand how much more difficult it is to flip your mindset when these emotions try to take over.

And sometimes it wins. Sometimes you can’t shut it up in time and you go into a spiral of doubt and guilt and questioning everything. Even if you logically know none of what your emotions are telling you is at all truth, it’s still very present and grows almost at a rapid rate.
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Don’t Pretend

Don’t Pretend

You can be sexy AND smart AND interesting AND sought after without being a chameleon.

I watch so many women mold to what they “think” a guy wants them to be and it kills me that people think this is the way to find happiness.

Ladies— I hate to break it to you but you can’t keep up the charade forever. Eventually, you’ll start being who you really are under the mask and pretend hobbies and fake interests and then your man will look at you like “WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?”
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My Stalker

My Stalker

“Because despite all the IG posts and feel good hashtags, you know you’re a fucking failure.”

That’s a line out of the the latest love letter from my stalker I received recently. This same woman has been creating fake accounts and email addresses for years to try and get to me.

It started years ago when I took a permanent stance as the woman on the arm of a “local celebrity” that she thought was supposed to be hers. From numerous letters in the mail, to texts from ghost numbers, to calls at my old place of employment telling me that she found my dog on the side of the highway, to over 20 fake social media accounts created in order to keep tabs on me, you name it… she’s done it.

When this email came through, I literally laughed out loud. Then instantly moved it into the folder labeled “stalkers” I have in my inbox that holds all of the hate mail I have received over the years. Continue reading “My Stalker”

My Battle

My Battle

Originally published June 28, 2018

“I just don’t feel good” —  I have never openly spoke about this in detail…not in true detail, so please bear with me as I try to get this out.

I realized this past weekend that no one really knows what that means when I briefly, nonchalantly mention it to people in passing, “I get sick”. And that is mainly because it is something I’ve spent most of my life being ridiculously embarrassed by.
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Transformation

Transformation

“I used to think it was some extravagant thing, but now I realize it’s just your life.”

I was talking with a client earlier this week about how her lifestyle has been shifting. Her perspective has changed and she now looks at life very different than she used to. She made a note that everyone should always work with me for at least six months because she thought she was making breakthroughs before but this is a whole new level.

I explained that it’s like a muscle. Being able to pay attention enough to actually SEE purely is not something you can just turn on like a switch, it’s something you must work at, strengthen everyday, test, flex, grow. Continue reading “Transformation”

Time Alone

Time Alone

The past few years I’ve spent the majority of my time alone.

A lot of it by choice, a lot of it simply because I refuse to “fill” my space just for the sake of filling it.

The past few summers it feels like I’m either spending the weekends traveling, surrounded by people, living the dream and feeling so full or I’m home, by myself, feeling full but also wishing someone was there.

Wishing might not be the right word. But honestly I’m not even sure any of this is going to make sense or even truly get my point across. I’ve been thinking about writing on the topic for a long time but could never find the words to really describe this strange state I find myself in a lot of the time.
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Be The Change

Be The Change

Sometimes I wonder if you’ve ever done to her what you did to me.

When the doors are shut and there’s no one around and you have no one else to take your anger out on. Do you turn to her like you did to me?

Then I think, if you haven’t…when will you?

I mean, it’s only a matter of time isn’t it? Continue reading “Be The Change”