*Originally posted September 30th, 2019
My beautiful friend Samantha called me yesterday morning while I was in the middle of a battle with my depression, I wanted to crawl back into bed and hide from the world. I was talking myself through every step.
I ate breakfast and took care of Bonnie. Win.
I showered. Win.
Sat there for like 20 minutes in a towel contemplating getting back under the covers.
Got up and dried my hair instead. Win.
Then I started pacing… I was so mad that I was in this fog. Annoyed to have to deal with it.
Feeling defeated at the thought of having to pull myself out of it… AGAIN. Debating going backwards on some relationship behaviors I’ve been working months to overcome because, well it felt like a quick fix.
Then Samantha called.
I had called her a few hours ago as I felt this all weighing down on me and left a message “it’s heavy today, call me when you can”.
A message that was hard to send but I’ve learned to reach out when I’m drowning. I don’t always listen to that advice but today I did.
Luckily had yet to put my makeup on because I answered the phone feeling okay but the moment she asked what was going on? Queue tears. Continue reading “Battling Depression”
I don’t know about you, but I am no longer in the business of talking people into loving me.
I quit that a long time ago.
I am also no longer in the business of expecting people to love the way I love, respect the way I respect, and honor their word the way I honor mine… this one has been harder to learn but still a “line in the concrete” type of staple these days.
Sometimes though, with some people those old habits still pop up, catch me off guard, and when it does it’s never a rewarding experience for anyone involved. It leads to questioning your own worth, resentment, distrust, and hurt feelings.
So this is my message to whomever needs to hear it tonight, stop pushing people to be a part of your life and stop pushing for an answer or a response on your own timeline.
Follow your intuition.
Love with all you have.
But certainly don’t beg people to see it, love it, honor it, or choose it. That’s on them, not you.
Truth is, sometimes I can have the best day ever and still be sad at the end of it all.
Now before you jump to conclusions or start to type out something trying to “make me feel better”, keep reading because that is not at all my point here.
I’m happy. Like genuinely happy. I love what I do. I enjoy my work. I have an awesome family. Good friends. A beautiful home. Sweet puppies… and the list goes on. Continue reading “Sometimes I Am Sad”