I don’t know about you, but I am no longer in the business of talking people into loving me.
I quit that a long time ago.
I am also no longer in the business of expecting people to love the way I love, respect the way I respect, and honor their word the way I honor mine… this one has been harder to learn but still a “line in the concrete” type of staple these days.
Sometimes though, with some people those old habits still pop up, catch me off guard, and when it does it’s never a rewarding experience for anyone involved. It leads to questioning your own worth, resentment, distrust, and hurt feelings.
So this is my message to whomever needs to hear it tonight, stop pushing people to be a part of your life and stop pushing for an answer or a response on your own timeline.
Follow your intuition.
Love with all you have.
But certainly don’t beg people to see it, love it, honor it, or choose it. That’s on them, not you.
First picture, I’m standing at 128 lbs and feeling excellent. I hadn’t been lifting consistency but my nutrition was pretty solid.
Second picture, I’m down 11 lbs… Most of which was probably muscle but that’s just an assumption.
This loss was not on purpose. Not even a little bit! It followed a month long battle with a cold, then influenza mixed with a bunch a stress that ended me up in a pretty ugly bout with my hypoglycemia. I haven’t had an episode that bad in over a year. It took days to recover. I could barely move, let alone stand. It took everything I had to drink water or 3 bites of oatmeal. It was terrible.
I felt lifeless. I was scared. I remember waking up my boyfriend telling him it was worse than I thought and I was scared to go to the hospital. We decided I’d get strict and try to fight it, even if that meant him reminding me to drink pedialyte every hour because it was the last thing I wanted to do.
Do you know what being in that kind of physical state does to your mental state? It makes you think you’re the worst person in the world. It convinces you that you’re a burden on those who love you. It convinces you that it’s all your fault and if you weren’t such a terrible person then you wouldn’t have let your body get to this state in the first place. It makes you feel ashamed for something you truly can’t control. you find yourself apologizing for asking for help even though you really need it. Continue reading “Down 11 Pounds”
I’ve been a little quiet lately, I know but sometimes when life is happening and it’s not just MY story to tell… as things transpire I have to keep it to myself. As I’ve been learning to mesh my life with that of another amazing human and an equally amazing kiddo and navigate it all so everyone is being served and everything is flowing, I’ve lost a little bit of my voice.
When I sit to write and reflect, the writing part hasn’t been happening as often. Simply because my brain needs the reflection and quiet time more now than it ever has before.
Talk about a whirlwind. The past couple of months have been just that. Insanely rewarding and my heart is so full but equally exhausting at the same time. And I miss my voice. I miss my platform and today, today the words started to flow for the first time in a long time and it felt GOOD.
It’s all slowly falling into place so I felt called to give ya’ll a little update and let you know I’m still here. Still building. Still creating. Still manifesting my reality. Still helping my clients. Still active in my groups.
I think maybe without really meaning to I’ve been silently preparing for what feels like a comeback… even though I haven’t fallen, not even a little bit.
Regardless, it’s about to go down… in the most magical and amazing way possible so stay tuned.
Grace. It’s a name I always said I would give my daughter, if I ever have one. But lately it’s become something I’ve been giving myself more regularly and in turn realizing that I have been greatly depriving myself of so much joy and space by not doing so sooner.
I’ve discovered that through giving yourself a little grace you allow yourself to truly feel what you need to feel when you need to feel it. Through grace I’ve discovered that pressuring yourself on a tight deadline every single day is the opposite of what creates the flow and alignment we all so desperately seek.
Through practicing grace I’ve discovered that if we choose to not only honor who we are and what we need but also give ourselves the compassion and space necessary to truly blossom into our greatest potential. Continue reading “Grace”