I am Happy

I am happy.

In a totally different way than ever before.

For very different reasons.

In some of the same beautiful ways but more so, in brand new, exciting, mindshattering ways.

And apparently THIS (pictured below) is the face of that happiness. It’s what expression I have instantly made in every photo for quite a while now. When I try to smile with my teeth, which is the norm for me and it looks forced and weird and inauthentic right now. I’m not sure how to explain it but that is obviously not the expression of the type of happiness I’m experiencing right now and I am totally okay with that!

This expression is one of exploration. It is one of adventure. It is one of learning. It is one of deeply experiencing something fucking beautiful with zero idea of how to really put said experiences into words just yet.

This expression is perfect for this phase 

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Time…

Time…

Time is something I’ve made a living out of “creating” more of. Or actually just showing people how changing their mindset and purpose behind things can seemingly create more time in their worlds for the things that they actually want to do. It’s almost like bending reality, but it’s really just a matter of changing the foundation of how you’re operating first.

But here’s the thing… Me and time, we’ve not ever really been friends…until recently. And still now I’m just warming up to the thought of it. More like I’m just accepting the fact that I cannot control it and it is a necessary piece of how all things happen or play out in our worlds. Basically, I used to almost throw a mini temper tantrum in my mind when time wasn’t on my side and demand information now, demand to see the end of the book now, and if I couldn’t (which was always the case) I would get really stubborn and apply pressure until I “thought” I was getting something to happen. You see, this didn’t always turn out badly but it was also using a lot of energy that I didn’t realize at the time was truly meant for bigger and better things. And since I’ve realized that you should measure your energy the same so you do your time, or at least take both into consideration. Continue reading “Time…”

Let’s Talk About Pooping…

Let’s Talk About Pooping…

Okay, let’s talk about pooping.

Yep, you read that right but it’s not what you think. I’m not going to talk to you about how your diet effects your bowel movements or try to tell you about the latest cleanse. What I’m wanting to talk about is the amount of time people spend in the bathroom “pooping” or most likely just sitting there on your phone hiding away from the world and killing some time.

Here’s the thing… If it legit takes you 45 minutes to take a shit every single day then you probably DO need to see a doctor or adjust your diet because that is not healthy. But if you’re sitting there fucking around on your phone or daydreaming or just wasting time, then only you can be honest with yourself about that. The whole “act” of doing your business in there probably takes 5-10 minutes tops. The sitting and dragging it out into a marathon is simply a choice.

Now maybe it’s a conscious choice. Maybe it’s the place where you choose to get some quiet time away from the loudness of your life (or kids). Maybe it’s where you get caught up responding to comments on social media. Maybe it’s where you take a little time to read that blog you subscribe to without being interrupted. All of those things are a CHOICE. And if that is an intentional part of your day, then more power to ya my friend. Do you, just wash your hands and your phone when you’re done.

But here’s my point here… how many of you are actually being conscious with of ALL of your time? Continue reading “Let’s Talk About Pooping…”

Down 11 Pounds

Down 11 Pounds

First picture, I’m standing at 128 lbs and feeling excellent. I hadn’t been lifting consistency but my nutrition was pretty solid.

Second picture, I’m down 11 lbs… Most of which was probably muscle but that’s just an assumption.

This loss was not on purpose. Not even a little bit! It followed a month long battle with a cold, then influenza mixed with a bunch a stress that ended me up in a pretty ugly bout with my hypoglycemia. I haven’t had an episode that bad in over a year. It took days to recover. I could barely move, let alone stand. It took everything I had to drink water or 3 bites of oatmeal. It was terrible.

I felt lifeless. I was scared. I remember waking up my boyfriend telling him it was worse than I thought and I was scared to go to the hospital. We decided I’d get strict and try to fight it, even if that meant him reminding me to drink pedialyte every hour because it was the last thing I wanted to do.

Do you know what being in that kind of physical state does to your mental state? It makes you think you’re the worst person in the world. It convinces you that you’re a burden on those who love you. It convinces you that it’s all your fault and if you weren’t such a terrible person then you wouldn’t have let your body get to this state in the first place. It makes you feel ashamed for something you truly can’t control. you find yourself apologizing for asking for help even though you really need it. Continue reading “Down 11 Pounds”

I Choose You

I Choose You

“I choose you”. A friend and I were having a conversation today and this came up and it instantly became so apparent to me that people do not put enough emphasis on that statement.

Sure we love each other and that’s great and it can be powerful but what about the fact that you CHOOSE that person?

I don’t know about you, but to me that almost holds more precedence than saying I love you. In romantic relationships I don’t think you can have the commitment of “I choose you” without the foundation of “I love you” but I do believe that you can have the “ I love you” without the choosing. Continue reading “I Choose You”

It’s Been Four Years

It’s Been Four Years

It’s been four years since I followed that voice inside of me and left the body shop.

I walked away from something I loved but something that had taken over my life in a way that was so unhealthy and filled it with toxicity that I couldn’t see straight.

I will never forget the moment when he said “I can’t come back from this, can I?” And without even thinking I simply said no and walked out of the office.

It was terrifying. I had no idea what I was going to do or where I was going to go but I knew that the voice inside of me clearly, so so so clearly, told me it was time to go.

I didn’t know what was in store for me but I had one hell of a resume, a ton of skills, and this little side business I had started about a year previous called Posh Promotions… that and a really big dream to create a life I never really knew was possible but I knew I had to try. Continue reading “It’s Been Four Years”

Asking For Help

Asking For Help

I’ve never been really good at asking for help. Even when I’m paying a Coach, it’s not been unheard of for them to have to remind me to reach out when I need an ear.

Sometimes I’m really great at it and sometimes I’m not. It’s something I have to remind myself that it’s okay to do. Because you see, at a young age when I found myself in certain situations I just started handling them myself, keeping it all inside, and manning up like a good little soldier but as I’ve grown and expanded I’ve learned that is not at all how I want to operate. It doesn’t allow me to have the life, freedom, and feelings that I want.

So, I started actively working on that a few years ago and in the process I built up a pretty cool circle of support, people outside of my normal “friends circle”. People who know more than me or had more experience, different experiences or expertise, people who could offer me a non judgmental ear and someone to share triumphs, weaknesses, and all of the in-betweens with. But over the last few months I slowly started to revert back, back to not asking, not confiding in my inner circle and instead I was handling it all in my own head, in my own journal, and unfortunately projecting a lot of it at my partner because well, he was only my support system here. Continue reading “Asking For Help”