I Don’t Know About You

I Don’t Know About You

I don’t know about you, but I am no longer in the business of talking people into loving me.

I quit that a long time ago.

I am also no longer in the business of expecting people to love the way I love, respect the way I respect, and honor their word the way I honor mine… this one has been harder to learn but still a “line in the concrete” type of staple these days.

Sometimes though, with some people those old habits still pop up, catch me off guard, and when it does it’s never a rewarding experience for anyone involved. It leads to questioning your own worth, resentment, distrust, and hurt feelings.

So this is my message to whomever needs to hear it tonight, stop pushing people to be a part of your life and stop pushing for an answer or a response on your own timeline.

Be open.
Be compassionate.
Have integrity.
Follow your intuition.
Love with all you have.
But certainly don’t beg people to see it, love it, honor it, or choose it. That’s on them, not you.

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Honor Where You’re At

Honor Where You’re At

I felt like shit about myself earlier. Questioning my appearance. Pissed that I lost 2 inches in my thighs and 1.5 in my hips. I felt gross and annoyed and just ugh.

Pushed to go to the gym anyway. Sort of in a fog the entire time but intentionally focusing on the detail of every move I made, every set, every muscle engagement. That’s what pushed me through and the whole time I kept feeling like I wasn’t doing enough.

Like what in the actual fuck is that? I just did the same workout I did on leg day for 2 years to build that size to begin with. That’s a savage workout. Continue reading “Honor Where You’re At”

Leave It There

Leave It There

Leave it there.
Those pieces that are breaking off.
Those things that are no longer serving you.

Maybe it’s a belief. Maybe it’s a habit. Maybe it’s a story. Maybe it’s a person. Maybe it’s a place. Maybe it’s a pattern. Maybe it’s as small as choosing silence over a response. Continue reading “Leave It There”

Haunted

Haunted

Originally posted on May 23rd, 2019…

Lately, sometimes, it literally feels like I’m being haunted.

Haunted by the things that happened, haunted by the promises I believed, the future that I so clearly saw. Haunted by the person you once were, the person who surely no longer exists but at one time was the realest soul I’ve ever encountered in this lifetime. Continue reading “Haunted”

Falling In Love and Being In Love

Falling In Love and Being In Love

There is a difference between falling in love and BEING in love.

Falling in love is easy. People do it all the time. Sure, it can be scary sometimes but it’s not a hard thing to do.

But being in love is a totally different animal. I don’t mean the difference between having loving feelings for someone and “being in love”. I’m talking about the day in day out activity of being IN love. Choosing it consciously every day. Working at it. Talking about what you like and don’t like. Listening. Forgiving. Understanding. Standing still. Going crazy. Climbing high. Diving deep. Building empires. Taking down walls. Supporting. Encouraging. Compassion. Honestly. Continue reading “Falling In Love and Being In Love”

I Choose You

I Choose You

“I choose you”. A friend and I were having a conversation today and this came up and it instantly became so apparent to me that people do not put enough emphasis on that statement.

Sure we love each other and that’s great and it can be powerful but what about the fact that you CHOOSE that person?

I don’t know about you, but to me that almost holds more precedence than saying I love you. In romantic relationships I don’t think you can have the commitment of “I choose you” without the foundation of “I love you” but I do believe that you can have the “ I love you” without the choosing. Continue reading “I Choose You”

Unconditional Love

Unconditional Love

I got really used to making no sense to anyone a really long time ago but I would never had fathomed having to stand up and fight… well, SHINE, as strong and as bright as I can to prove that I’m not going anywhere, that I’m confident in the deeply clear messages I’ve received, that it is possible to not only see above the fog but to make unwavering shifts in order to be better equipped for navigating what’s ahead. Shining light on the fact that unconditional, non judgmental love actually does exist.

Because unfortunately, in this world it is so uncommon for someone to actually be committed, to stick to their word, to be to willing to fight/shine because quitting is simply not an option. That when I speak my truth and my position as confidently as I always have when I am as sure of something as I am right now, I get blank stares and reactions of disbelief… from most at least. Continue reading “Unconditional Love”