I haven’t lifted in well over a year.
I’m extremely grateful for my foundation, for what I had built in this body. It’s held strong through over 18 months of deep healing and today when I stepped back into the gym, I was pleasantly surprised by how strong this body still is… even after a very long break.
I’m in awe. And honestly, I had been avoiding this like whoa. After 10 minutes, that old excitement and joy came flowing back over me.
Continue reading “Foundation”
8 years ago I posted this pic as my motivation. I printed it out and hung it in my house. I tried to create it using what I always thought “working out” meant. None of it worked. I stayed skinny, sometimes toned up my already super thin core but other than that, nothing really changed. I still felt weak and sick most of the time then too.
4 years ago I found myself in constant pain and with zero strength. So I turned to yoga. Using yoga I was able to build a solid core and some lean muscle but more importantly, a mindset around taking control of my body. With the help of the guys at our local S2 I started learning more about being a hard gainer and ways I could combat that. It helped but still, this physique in the photo was no where in sight. Continue reading “Motivation”
Truth is, I know the right way to stand to look the most flattering in a photo. I know the angles and what works best for my frame. So, when I started taking the daily progress photo for the #75Hard challenge it was a bit off-putting at first.
Like “whoa, that’s not now I look in photos.” Um, actually YES that IS what you look like in photos, without flexing or posing. I can’t wait to post before and afters when this is all said and done but for now, it’s day 7 and I’ve already started to see a difference. Continue reading “Workout Consistency”
First picture, I’m standing at 128 lbs and feeling excellent. I hadn’t been lifting consistency but my nutrition was pretty solid.
Second picture, I’m down 11 lbs… Most of which was probably muscle but that’s just an assumption.
This loss was not on purpose. Not even a little bit! It followed a month long battle with a cold, then influenza mixed with a bunch a stress that ended me up in a pretty ugly bout with my hypoglycemia. I haven’t had an episode that bad in over a year. It took days to recover. I could barely move, let alone stand. It took everything I had to drink water or 3 bites of oatmeal. It was terrible.
I felt lifeless. I was scared. I remember waking up my boyfriend telling him it was worse than I thought and I was scared to go to the hospital. We decided I’d get strict and try to fight it, even if that meant him reminding me to drink pedialyte every hour because it was the last thing I wanted to do.
Do you know what being in that kind of physical state does to your mental state? It makes you think you’re the worst person in the world. It convinces you that you’re a burden on those who love you. It convinces you that it’s all your fault and if you weren’t such a terrible person then you wouldn’t have let your body get to this state in the first place. It makes you feel ashamed for something you truly can’t control. you find yourself apologizing for asking for help even though you really need it. Continue reading “Down 11 Pounds”
7 years ago I posted the picture on the left as my “goal” physique. I wanted to be strong. I wanted to have curves. I wanted to look that way AND feel healthy.
I had zero idea how to get there.
I would try the regularly suggested methods of eating and all the “fad” ways to get the booty and abs… guess what? None of that worked. And I would go through cycles of consistency, not feel better, not get stronger, and in turn would get discouraged and then give up. Continue reading “Real Change”
You’re allowed to be proud of your body.
In fact, you SHOULD be proud of your own body. Especially if it’s something you’ve had to fight to build.
You see, I’ve always been the skinny girl. Like unhealthily skinny. I wasn’t unhappy with the way I looked but I didn’t feel good…ever.
Yep, I was sick almost every day.
And the doctors told me that was just something I would have to deal with… along with an old knee injury that would flare up from time to time and a lower back injury that hurt me everyday.
Just something I would have to live with? I think not. Continue reading “Be Proud of Your Body”
I will never forget this moment… as silly as it sounds, I gave this pic a double take after I took it and remember thinking to myself “whose body is that?!” I was so fucking proud. I’d worn that dress so many times, it is one of my “go tos” but it didn’t used to fit like that.
It had been a few months since the last time I had pulled it out of the closet and it was a pleasant surprise to see the how it showcased the changes in my body I had been working so hard to build.
Continue reading “My Fitness Journey”
“Guys don’t like girls with calluses on their hands”.
After posting a photo of the proof on my hands that I lift heavy shit and put in the work on my body, I got a message telling me that men don’t like girls with calluses on their hands.
I sat there for a minute and looked at the message like, “Seriously dude?” and promptly responded something sassy along the lines of “the kind of beasts I date do” and left it at that.
Every time I weigh in at the gym and the number goes down, I get pissed. No one around me, except my trainer gets it. They all look at me like I’m crazy… Because apparently since I’m a woman, that must mean I only have goals to lose weight and be skinnier.
Nope. Couldn’t be more wrong.
We have worked VERY hard over the past year or so to get a plan in place that keeps me gaining. Because I was too skinny (not a luxury at all, so don’t even say it) I was sick. I wasn’t comfortable in my skin. I was weak. I was unhealthy. It wasn’t a good thing.
Continue reading “My Goal is to GAIN”
“Skinny fat”… it’s a thing. It’s a thing no one thinks is a problem… and for some, maybe it’s not…but for me it was a BIG problem.
I was always sick.
I had no energy.
I had zero strength.
I could eat more than most grown men I knew but never gained a pound.
I remember seeing the picture on the left right after it was taken and being embarrassed (see bottom of post). That “skinny minnie” look everyone always said they were so jealous of was NOT how I wanted to look. Not even a little bit… but I didn’t know anything else was possible.
After many years of rapidly losing weight, never feeling good, more doctors appointments than I can count, passing out several times in public because my body shut down, and more hospital stays than I cared to have in a lifetime, I decided to take matters into my own hands. Continue reading “Always Sick…”