“If I wouldn’t have hired you when I did, I probably wouldn’t still be alive”.
I will never forget the feeling of hearing that statement from one of my clients. It knocked me back in my seat. I remember crying when we got off the phone because of the impact he made on me during that conversation.
I didn’t know he was close to giving up on living when we started our work together.
I knew he had goals, he needed structure and we had a lot of mindset work to do, but I didn’t know suicidal thoughts were at play. During the first few months of working with a new client, we spend a lot of time going deep, like really deep into the dark shadows of self. We uncover fears and limiting patterns, unhealthy habits and space that needs room to breathe. Sometimes those are just around performance, professional growth, communication, self-worth, rebelling against structure, lacking a plan, etc. Continue reading “Impact”
My skin. What I at one time proclaimed to be my worst enemy is now something I’m really working on loving.
It sounds like something easy to do, a switch you can flip but it’s proven to be a lot more challenging than I expected.
You see, I realized that I was being incredibly unfair to myself. The voice in my head had a very strong opinion that there was some thing wrong with my skin and it had to be fixed. Continue reading “My Skin”
My friend Samantha has been trying to tell me for a while now that I’m glowing, that my energy is intoxicating, and I just thought she was being sweet. I mean, I know she loves me so she has to say that, right?
Well, a few weeks ago I started hearing similar things from all kinds of different directions. From strangers, clients, acquaintances. And to be super honest, interactions that in the past may have taken more energy or I’d have to pre-protect myself from got lighter, less draining, and all around more positive.
On the cruise there were a few instances where strangers were so kind and genuine with me out of nowhere and for no reason at all that I had to revisit this comment that Sam had made. Continue reading “Intoxicating Energy”
I was reading an article this morning about fear… and honestly, fear is something I spend a lot of time paying attention to when it pops up because it has so much to tell us if we’re willing to listen.
So, this morning I decided to extend my morning practice into some meditation coloring. As I was filling in the swirls of the mandala, I let my thoughts flow freely. And after about 10 minutes of that I started to ask myself “What are you so scared of?”
Because I’ve been feeling the presence of fear lately, but it hasn’t been clear as to why or what it was that I’m scared of in my current situation. Continue reading “Overcoming Fear”
Today I walked a Labyrinth.
Before today I didn’t even know what that meant. Or what it was.
But I can tell you that I was divinely guided to find this space on this day.
Here’s why; I’ve been having quite the rollercoaster ride lately. Lots of realizations, changes, shifts, and all the feelings. But I guess that the deeper you go, the more you dig, the more “woke” you get, sometimes that’s just a normal part of your day to day.
So, this morning I just felt uneasy, for no real reason why. I did my normal routine, got grounded, pulled cards, made the bed, sat with Bonnie, journaled with my coffee, read my book, listened to my drums, but still couldn’t kick it.
Somewhere around 11am I stopped for a minute and realized that I could barely even remember any of the things I had done that day, without really stopping to think hard about it.
It was like I was in a trance.
Continue reading “Labyrinth”
My 2018 starting point is a body I barely recognize most of the time. Something I never thought was possible for me.
Figuring what makes my body run at peak performance and allows me to FEEL good has been such an interesting discovery ride.
This past year I have discovered which foods maintain a stable blood sugar for me, I started eating a high fat macro based diet, fell in love with building my shoulders, back, and arms, and now squat 175lbs on a regular basis.
I’ve added over 2 inches of size on my thighs and glutes, and over 1 inch on my biceps. I’ve gained 8 lbs in muscle and am down to 19% body fat. Solid fucking growth for someone who always struggled to maintain 118 lbs for most of her life, if you ask me.
But have I been 100% on my diet and workouts? Nope.
I’d say I was about 75% on my diet and 90% on my training. Looking back at the past 365 days and seeing the progress I’ve made and the strength and mass I’ve created I can’t help but ask myself, “where would I be if I stayed 100% disciplined?” Well, we’re going to find out.
I’m not going to drop my goals here in a “new year” post for you, you’ll see my results as I keep putting in the work and turn up the heat on it all.
Stay tuned. It’s just getting better from here.
I also wanted to note that I share much more of my fitness journey over on my Instagram so follow me there if you want to see more regular updates.
P.s. My fitness journey started two years ago. I’ve been diligent about figuring out what works for me in diet and training for two years. That is 730 days of choosing every day to focus on this mission. Thats 730 of choosing this lifestyle. So before you say “oh, I couldn’t look like that” ask yourself how many days you’ve been consistently committed to it?
You CAN build the change, you just have to do the work every day.
Patterns. They’re a tricky thing…Something we do each time a certain situation presents itself in our lives. Something that is our “normal” reaction. But not like shivering when you’re cold kind of reaction, like drastic, sometimes life altering reactions that we make subconsciously to either shield ourselves from something or make us feel safe again.
Lately, I’ve been experiencing a lot of new things. Well, finding myself in positions I haven’t found myself in many years.
So currently when I’ve found myself standing in these sort of “uncharted territories”, I’ve taken this as an opportunity to look around and see what my natural reaction is (or what I would have done 10 years ago when I was in this spot) and then dissect WHY that is my reaction or where my subconscious naturally takes me. Continue reading “Patterns”
Recently I was journaling and reflecting on how a year ago I started a layer. And a year before that I started a different layer. And the year before that… etc.
FOUR YEARS AGO I STARTED.
Four years ago, while sitting on an airplane with a crushed hand, on the way home from a totally VIP rockstar trip to Vegas, I sat there with a pad of paper and an idea. Continue reading “You’ll Wish You Had Started Today”