Universal Energy

Universal Energy

Sometimes, I don’t think I can take one more battle. Not one more blow. Not one more explosion.

I stand there in the aftermath of what can only be described as the comet of universal energy doing what is necessary to take me to the other side of everything, to the pure place I’m meant to reside.

And I stand there with the muffled sound of attacks playing in my ears yet again, pure shock of it all. Dissecting why this was brought to my table in the first place. Feeling a bit numb, yet at the same time… feeling every single feeling in the book.

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Sometimes I Am Sad

Sometimes I Am Sad

Truth is, sometimes I can have the best day ever and still be sad at the end of it all.

Now before you jump to conclusions or start to type out something trying to “make me feel better”, keep reading because that is not at all my point here.

I’m happy. Like genuinely happy. I love what I do. I enjoy my work. I have an awesome family. Good friends. A beautiful home. Sweet puppies… and the list goes on. Continue reading “Sometimes I Am Sad”

Honoring every piece

Honoring every piece

Sometimes you have to be your own motivation.

In those moments when you find yourself slipping and it feels like you’ll never get fully back on track I’ve learned that nothing motivates me more than reminding myself where I’ve been and what I’m capable of.

This picture is from last summer. I had built more muscle than I knew was possible and honestly, I felt uncomfortable as fuck about it. I loved the body and curves I built but it was just unlike the shell I had lived in for most of my life so it seriously took some getting used to. Continue reading “Honoring every piece”

Honor Where You’re At

Honor Where You’re At

I felt like shit about myself earlier. Questioning my appearance. Pissed that I lost 2 inches in my thighs and 1.5 in my hips. I felt gross and annoyed and just ugh.

Pushed to go to the gym anyway. Sort of in a fog the entire time but intentionally focusing on the detail of every move I made, every set, every muscle engagement. That’s what pushed me through and the whole time I kept feeling like I wasn’t doing enough.

Like what in the actual fuck is that? I just did the same workout I did on leg day for 2 years to build that size to begin with. That’s a savage workout. Continue reading “Honor Where You’re At”

Half The Strength

Half The Strength

No one ever talks about how mentally difficult it is when you find yourself back in the gym and only having half the strength you used to.

It’s a serious struggle. In an instant you can find yourself feeling dumb, embarrassed, weak, angry, frustrated.

“How did I let this happen?”

It can be paralyzing if you let it. And honestly, several times lately I have let that voice win. And due to that, I started feeling worse. Continue reading “Half The Strength”

Haunted

Haunted

Originally posted on May 23rd, 2019…

Lately, sometimes, it literally feels like I’m being haunted.

Haunted by the things that happened, haunted by the promises I believed, the future that I so clearly saw. Haunted by the person you once were, the person who surely no longer exists but at one time was the realest soul I’ve ever encountered in this lifetime. Continue reading “Haunted”

Falling In Love and Being In Love

Falling In Love and Being In Love

There is a difference between falling in love and BEING in love.

Falling in love is easy. People do it all the time. Sure, it can be scary sometimes but it’s not a hard thing to do.

But being in love is a totally different animal. I don’t mean the difference between having loving feelings for someone and “being in love”. I’m talking about the day in day out activity of being IN love. Choosing it consciously every day. Working at it. Talking about what you like and don’t like. Listening. Forgiving. Understanding. Standing still. Going crazy. Climbing high. Diving deep. Building empires. Taking down walls. Supporting. Encouraging. Compassion. Honestly. Continue reading “Falling In Love and Being In Love”