Battling Depression

Battling Depression

*Originally posted September 30th, 2019

My beautiful friend Samantha called me yesterday morning while I was in the middle of a battle with my depression, I wanted to crawl back into bed and hide from the world. I was talking myself through every step.

I ate breakfast and took care of Bonnie. Win.

I showered. Win.

Sat there for like 20 minutes in a towel contemplating getting back under the covers.

Got up and dried my hair instead. Win.

Then I started pacing… I was so mad that I was in this fog. Annoyed to have to deal with it.
Feeling defeated at the thought of having to pull myself out of it… AGAIN. Debating going backwards on some relationship behaviors I’ve been working months to overcome because, well it felt like a quick fix.

Then Samantha called.

I had called her a few hours ago as I felt this all weighing down on me and left a message “it’s heavy today, call me when you can”.

A message that was hard to send but I’ve learned to reach out when I’m drowning. I don’t always listen to that advice but today I did.
Luckily had yet to put my makeup on because I answered the phone feeling okay but the moment she asked what was going on? Queue tears. Continue reading “Battling Depression”

Solid Foundation

Solid Foundation
This is why you create a solid foundation.
At least it’s a visual reminder as to why.You create a solid foundation so that when life happens and you fall off the track for a bit, everything doesn’t go to shit.

Real talk, my life took a super unexpected and interesting turn over the past 9 months… or year really. I started diving in, DEEP. Unearthing things that I had buried and didn’t acknowledge for years. I cleared so many things mentally and physically it’s almost impossible to even explain. And then I fell in love, listened to a message bigger than me and uprooted my life, moved 600 miles away, created a life there, learned, grew, tried my best, played out some karmic soul contract related shit, learned so many lessons about who I am and how fucking strong I actually am as a human, moved back, and have been hard at work rebuilding every thing I ever knew. Every social contract. Every obligation. Every deeply rooted behavior. Every automatic response. Every way of processing emotions. Every way of existing.
I have spent the past 6 months learning new and healthier ways to navigate every single area of my world. Continue reading “Solid Foundation”

THE MOUNTAINS ARE CALLING

THE MOUNTAINS ARE CALLING

I am truly grateful for this life. For the ups and downs. For the joy and confusion. For the light and the dark. For the lessons and the struggles. For the highest of highs and for the lowest of lows.

When the fog sets in, I don’t get mad. I look around. I look within. I look deep. It forces you to have to look harder to see what is really going on. The fog is a sign that you need to look harder. That maybe you need to stand in that same spot for a bit in order to truly absorb what you’re meant to.
Continue reading “THE MOUNTAINS ARE CALLING”