Always Sick…

Always Sick…

“Skinny fat”… it’s a thing. It’s a thing no one thinks is a problem… and for some, maybe it’s not…but for me it was a BIG problem.

I was always sick.
I had no energy.
I had zero strength.
I could eat more than most grown men I knew but never gained a pound.

I remember seeing the picture on the left right after it was taken and being embarrassed (see bottom of post). That “skinny minnie” look everyone always said they were so jealous of was NOT how I wanted to look. Not even a little bit… but I didn’t know anything else was possible.

After many years of rapidly losing weight, never feeling good, more doctors appointments than I can count, passing out several times in public because my body shut down, and more hospital stays than I cared to have in a lifetime, I decided to take matters into my own hands. Continue reading “Always Sick…”

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Do the Work

Do the Work

It’s Sunday. I’m outta town. Woke up feeling pretty lazy. Last thing I wanted to do was train but I knew I needed to get it in.

I could hear my trainers voice in my head, I could hear that super badass version of myself in my head saying “you want that body”.
Continue reading “Do the Work”

Connection Doesn’t Know Time

Connection Doesn’t Know Time

Connection doesn’t know time.

Experience doesn’t recognize time. Your soul doesn’t care about time. It connects when it’s meant to connect. It loves when it’s meant to love. It draws you to an experience because it needs it.

Your soul knows what you need better than you ever will. Trust in that.

Don’t let time or lack thereof allow you to belittle a feeling, a connection, or an experience. Don’t underestimate the impact that one single moment can have on you. Continue reading “Connection Doesn’t Know Time”

Romance

Romance

Hopeless Romance.

Sometimes I tell myself it’s silly. That I’m totally ridiculous to be this strong, independent, forward thinking woman and still get flutters in my heart when I think of what might be my happy ending.

Happy ending. Doesn’t that sound silly?

I mean, it might but I have to admit, I believe in it. My soul longs for it. I can feel it in my bones that it is out there.

Don’t get me wrong, I know life is not a fairy tale in the typical sense of the word but I choose to believe that my version of it exists. Continue reading “Romance”

Drowning

Drowning

Big Fat Confession Time: I’ve been drowning.

These past 10 days, I have felt like I’ve been fighting to keep my head above water.

It’s like no matter what I plan or do, my head just has NOT been in the game, at all. Maybe for a few hours of the day but not my normal, “balls to the walls, crank out more work in 8 hours than most people do in a week” sort of way.

Which bothers the fuck out of me. It makes me feel like a fraud. It makes me feel like I’m failing. But when I stop and look at the 30,000 foot view, I’m still killing it.

Let me explain; Continue reading “Drowning”

People Love Drama

People Love Drama

PEOPLE LOVE DRAMA. Chances are, you’re creating your own right now.

Here’s the deal… our brain is pretty amazing. It has a way of knowing what we need and when we need it. We obviously CAN choose to follow instinct or make a different choice. But instinctually, our brain, our subconscious to be more precise, will follow the path of least resistance. Continue reading “People Love Drama”

9/11

9/11

I was in 8th grade. Social studies class. It was about time for us to switch classes and instead the teacher got a call. He quickly stood up, closed the shades on all the windows and locked the door to our classroom.

No one knew what was going on. We just sat there.

Was there an intruder in our school? 
Were we in immediate danger?
Was there an emergency?
No one knew.

About 15 minutes later, the phone rang again. The teacher stood up with tears in his eyes and told us that there had been a terrorist attack. And we were on lock down as a precaution. Continue reading “9/11”