Are You Existing? Or Are You Living?

Are You Existing? Or Are You Living?

“Stop existing and Start living”.

I just saw this and it stopped me dead in my tracks. Think about that for a minute…

Are you existing? Or Are you living?

EXISTING would probably go something like this: dreading waking up each morning, rushing through your morning to go to a job or into a task you’re not super crazy about, driving to that place and not even remembering the drive at all and not looking forward to all you HAVE to do today. Sometimes not wanting to get out of bed at all. Maybe not feeling super thrilled about the clothes you just threw on during that rushed morning so you don’t particularly feel super awesome. Avoiding conversations. Eating whatever is available at the time or forgetting to eat at all. Looking forward to ‘quitting time’. Not feeling excited about anything you’re doing all day. You’re just kind of “going through the motions”… or something along those lines. Continue reading “Are You Existing? Or Are You Living?”

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Down 11 Pounds

Down 11 Pounds

First picture, I’m standing at 128 lbs and feeling excellent. I hadn’t been lifting consistency but my nutrition was pretty solid.

Second picture, I’m down 11 lbs… Most of which was probably muscle but that’s just an assumption.

This loss was not on purpose. Not even a little bit! It followed a month long battle with a cold, then influenza mixed with a bunch a stress that ended me up in a pretty ugly bout with my hypoglycemia. I haven’t had an episode that bad in over a year. It took days to recover. I could barely move, let alone stand. It took everything I had to drink water or 3 bites of oatmeal. It was terrible.

I felt lifeless. I was scared. I remember waking up my boyfriend telling him it was worse than I thought and I was scared to go to the hospital. We decided I’d get strict and try to fight it, even if that meant him reminding me to drink pedialyte every hour because it was the last thing I wanted to do.

Do you know what being in that kind of physical state does to your mental state? It makes you think you’re the worst person in the world. It convinces you that you’re a burden on those who love you. It convinces you that it’s all your fault and if you weren’t such a terrible person then you wouldn’t have let your body get to this state in the first place. It makes you feel ashamed for something you truly can’t control. you find yourself apologizing for asking for help even though you really need it. Continue reading “Down 11 Pounds”

I Choose You

I Choose You

“I choose you”. A friend and I were having a conversation today and this came up and it instantly became so apparent to me that people do not put enough emphasis on that statement.

Sure we love each other and that’s great and it can be powerful but what about the fact that you CHOOSE that person?

I don’t know about you, but to me that almost holds more precedence than saying I love you. In romantic relationships I don’t think you can have the commitment of “I choose you” without the foundation of “I love you” but I do believe that you can have the “ I love you” without the choosing. Continue reading “I Choose You”

Rosary

Rosary

I prayed the rosary today for the first time in 10 years.

Yep, the entire thing, all 5 decades. The joyful mysteries. On my Grandma’s rosary that she prayed with every night, using the guide book she used. Those items have been sitting in my night stand drawer since she died… each place I’ve lived since she passed, I moved then with me in my night stand. Today, I felt called to use them.

And before that I was writing my gratitude in a journal in order to fully raise my vibration. Continue reading “Rosary”

Unconditional Love

Unconditional Love

I got really used to making no sense to anyone a really long time ago but I would never had fathomed having to stand up and fight… well, SHINE, as strong and as bright as I can to prove that I’m not going anywhere, that I’m confident in the deeply clear messages I’ve received, that it is possible to not only see above the fog but to make unwavering shifts in order to be better equipped for navigating what’s ahead. Shining light on the fact that unconditional, non judgmental love actually does exist.

Because unfortunately, in this world it is so uncommon for someone to actually be committed, to stick to their word, to be to willing to fight/shine because quitting is simply not an option. That when I speak my truth and my position as confidently as I always have when I am as sure of something as I am right now, I get blank stares and reactions of disbelief… from most at least. Continue reading “Unconditional Love”

It’s Been Four Years

It’s Been Four Years

It’s been four years since I followed that voice inside of me and left the body shop.

I walked away from something I loved but something that had taken over my life in a way that was so unhealthy and filled it with toxicity that I couldn’t see straight.

I will never forget the moment when he said “I can’t come back from this, can I?” And without even thinking I simply said no and walked out of the office.

It was terrifying. I had no idea what I was going to do or where I was going to go but I knew that the voice inside of me clearly, so so so clearly, told me it was time to go.

I didn’t know what was in store for me but I had one hell of a resume, a ton of skills, and this little side business I had started about a year previous called Posh Promotions… that and a really big dream to create a life I never really knew was possible but I knew I had to try. Continue reading “It’s Been Four Years”

Asking For Help

Asking For Help

I’ve never been really good at asking for help. Even when I’m paying a Coach, it’s not been unheard of for them to have to remind me to reach out when I need an ear.

Sometimes I’m really great at it and sometimes I’m not. It’s something I have to remind myself that it’s okay to do. Because you see, at a young age when I found myself in certain situations I just started handling them myself, keeping it all inside, and manning up like a good little soldier but as I’ve grown and expanded I’ve learned that is not at all how I want to operate. It doesn’t allow me to have the life, freedom, and feelings that I want.

So, I started actively working on that a few years ago and in the process I built up a pretty cool circle of support, people outside of my normal “friends circle”. People who know more than me or had more experience, different experiences or expertise, people who could offer me a non judgmental ear and someone to share triumphs, weaknesses, and all of the in-betweens with. But over the last few months I slowly started to revert back, back to not asking, not confiding in my inner circle and instead I was handling it all in my own head, in my own journal, and unfortunately projecting a lot of it at my partner because well, he was only my support system here. Continue reading “Asking For Help”