The other day I was sitting in the salon chair recapping some current events from my world with my friend and hair stylist when I realized that I had just referenced my therapist and my psychiatrist within a few short breaths of each other. When realizing that, I stopped and jokingly said “Damn, don’t I sound like a mess? It takes a team to keep my head right!” To which she replied “Nope! Sounds smart to me. It’s your job to keep a whole list full of people’s heads and business’s right, only makes sense that you have your own team for yours.”
That comment has been ringing in my head ever since. First off, she was right. And she knows me pretty damn well. We’ve been friends since high school but over the past 4 years she’s been the brains behind this mermaid hair which means she gets the joy of spending 4+ hours with me every few months to install a new set of extensions… so it’s safe to say, she knows all of the things. I’m not sure I’ve ever met someone more understanding or less judgmental in my life and I’m super grateful for that relationship.
Back to my point, I have assembled quite the team of professionals to keep me sane and functioning at a high capacity. Sure, I’m the one spending the money, dedicating the time, and doing the work, but they are there to help me navigate everything in the healthiest way possible. Continue reading “Support System”
*Originally Published August, 2017
He fought every fight in his head before he ever hit the ice.
He knew their moves and how he would counter.
He prepared his hands, his shoulders, his knees.
He never fought angry.
Every move, every swing, was carefully calculated. Each hit was effective and full of rage, or so it seemed. But again, he never fought angry. He purposely conditioned his body a specific way to prepare and be able to deliver the most impactful hit possible (it doesn’t hurt that his hands are the size of a gorilla’s).
I’ve heard every story. We’ve watched the videos, and he remembers EVERY fight in detail. He can replay you the conversations he had with the guy he fought after the game. He can tell you what they said, about their family, about their friendship.
There is no arrogance in the conversation. There is no puffing his chest out and talking about how he was the best in the league. Those are words that you will NEVER hear come out of his mouth. It was never about that to him. Continue reading “BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF PEOPLE”
I don’t know about you, but I am no longer in the business of talking people into loving me.
I quit that a long time ago.
I am also no longer in the business of expecting people to love the way I love, respect the way I respect, and honor their word the way I honor mine… this one has been harder to learn but still a “line in the concrete” type of staple these days.
Sometimes though, with some people those old habits still pop up, catch me off guard, and when it does it’s never a rewarding experience for anyone involved. It leads to questioning your own worth, resentment, distrust, and hurt feelings.
So this is my message to whomever needs to hear it tonight, stop pushing people to be a part of your life and stop pushing for an answer or a response on your own timeline.
Follow your intuition.
Love with all you have.
But certainly don’t beg people to see it, love it, honor it, or choose it. That’s on them, not you.
Sometimes you have to be your own motivation.
In those moments when you find yourself slipping and it feels like you’ll never get fully back on track I’ve learned that nothing motivates me more than reminding myself where I’ve been and what I’m capable of.
This picture is from last summer. I had built more muscle than I knew was possible and honestly, I felt uncomfortable as fuck about it. I loved the body and curves I built but it was just unlike the shell I had lived in for most of my life so it seriously took some getting used to. Continue reading “Honoring every piece”