Celebration List

Celebration List

Lately I spend more time writing about the facts than anything else.

In my journal, that is. I’m writing a “celebration” list of all I’ve accomplished for the day. Documenting facts in order to combat the voice in my head that has always done a good job of convincing me that I’m not doing enough.

I’m writing ‘Dear Diary’ style letters to myself giving me permission to just BE. Permission to actually see that without massive to-do lists or lofty goals, I’m still doing So Much Every Day. Permission to follow the flow. Permission to operate differently than what once was my go to way of living. Continue reading “Celebration List”

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Honoring every piece

Honoring every piece

Sometimes you have to be your own motivation.

In those moments when you find yourself slipping and it feels like you’ll never get fully back on track I’ve learned that nothing motivates me more than reminding myself where I’ve been and what I’m capable of.

This picture is from last summer. I had built more muscle than I knew was possible and honestly, I felt uncomfortable as fuck about it. I loved the body and curves I built but it was just unlike the shell I had lived in for most of my life so it seriously took some getting used to. Continue reading “Honoring every piece”

Honor Where You’re At

Honor Where You’re At

I felt like shit about myself earlier. Questioning my appearance. Pissed that I lost 2 inches in my thighs and 1.5 in my hips. I felt gross and annoyed and just ugh.

Pushed to go to the gym anyway. Sort of in a fog the entire time but intentionally focusing on the detail of every move I made, every set, every muscle engagement. That’s what pushed me through and the whole time I kept feeling like I wasn’t doing enough.

Like what in the actual fuck is that? I just did the same workout I did on leg day for 2 years to build that size to begin with. That’s a savage workout. Continue reading “Honor Where You’re At”

8 Years Ago

8 Years Ago

This weekend marks 8 years since I finally walked away (Originally written May 25).

Man, sometimes it feels like 15 and other times it feels like it was an entirely different lifetime altogether.

For years I would never admit this part to anyone that wasn’t actually present for the mess that was my life at the moment but I originally left in December. It wasn’t until the end of May that I was finally, finally, really really really left. Like left left. Never turned back. Never had another conversation. And the really interesting part is, I literally have no seen his face or heard his voice since that day.

It’s interesting because for more than half of these past 8 years, we lived ridiculously close to one another. Still in the same town, hell..almost on the same damn street and never once did I run into him or see him somewhere.

If that’s not the universe having my back, I don’t know what is. Continue reading “8 Years Ago”

Leave It There

Leave It There

Leave it there.
Those pieces that are breaking off.
Those things that are no longer serving you.

Maybe it’s a belief. Maybe it’s a habit. Maybe it’s a story. Maybe it’s a person. Maybe it’s a place. Maybe it’s a pattern. Maybe it’s as small as choosing silence over a response. Continue reading “Leave It There”

The Decision

The Decision

The decision. The one made with no clue how it will actually come to life, no idea how it’s going to be delivered, or when and still, you decide.

Just the belief that it will be.

The utter certainty that it will, in fact be your reality.

Actually, it already is.

Inside your mind, that thing you’ve decided on, that choice you’ve made, it’s already yours. Continue reading “The Decision”

Falling In Love and Being In Love

Falling In Love and Being In Love

There is a difference between falling in love and BEING in love.

Falling in love is easy. People do it all the time. Sure, it can be scary sometimes but it’s not a hard thing to do.

But being in love is a totally different animal. I don’t mean the difference between having loving feelings for someone and “being in love”. I’m talking about the day in day out activity of being IN love. Choosing it consciously every day. Working at it. Talking about what you like and don’t like. Listening. Forgiving. Understanding. Standing still. Going crazy. Climbing high. Diving deep. Building empires. Taking down walls. Supporting. Encouraging. Compassion. Honestly. Continue reading “Falling In Love and Being In Love”