2019 Lessons

2019 Lessons

Last year taught me that everything can change in a short period of time.

The day before 2019 started, I was unloading a truck of my stuff in a new state, into a new home, with a new family. Something that I always felt was way bigger than me, something I almost didn’t really have a say in deciding, I was just drawn to it in the most divine way… Continue reading “2019 Lessons”

These Women Are Everywhere

These Women Are Everywhere

“These women are everywhere. They are our neighbors, our friends, our sisters, our co-workers, our cousins. They have no use for our advice or opinions. Their wombs are their own. Let’s respect that.”

If I had a dollar for every time I have been given pity or ignorance for not having kids, I could buy you each a car.

For many years I wasn’t sure if I wanted to have a child. But of course “you’d be a great mom” and “kids create happiness nothing else can” and “you’ll never be fulfilled if you’re not a mom” and “what are you waiting for?” have always been questions and statements pounded down on me… since I was 20 years old.

For years I allowed myself to explore if it was something I wanted or needed. For years I chose adoption as an option because I’m fairly certain my body and its medical condition wouldn’t allow me to grow and birth a child. And honestly, I’ve just never had the desire to be pregnant. This fact in itself has led to more judgement and awkward, hurtful conversations than I care to revisit but it’s the truth. Continue reading “These Women Are Everywhere”

Designing A Life You Love

Designing A Life You Love

*Originally posted October 10th, 2019

“You’re working on the cruise?! Why??”

“Just turn your phone off and enjoy yourself.”

“What if something work related triggers you and ruins your whole day?”

These are all comments I’ve heard over the past couple of days after I last minute jumped on a boat for the next 10 days… First off, yes, I am working in the ship because my life is my work. It doesn’t feel like work most of the time. Sometimes it does but even in those moments,I’ve created this lifestyle so it’s all just a part of how I do life every day. That doesn’t change no matter where I am. And it’s truly a beautiful thing.

When your work lights up your soul and fuels you, it’s not a thing you “have” to do. It’s something you GET to do! Continue reading “Designing A Life You Love”

My First Business Trip

My First Business Trip

*Originally Published July 12, 2019

I took my first business trip when I was 20. I was working for a Risk Management company at the time and the team I was a part of worked for one of the nation’s largest waste management companies. The division I worked for hosted their yearly training in Las Vegas and I was able to go. All expenses paid. It was amazing.

Second time ever being on a plane, first time ever traveling alone. Looking back now I don’t remember having the awareness of how great of an opportunity that was. Continue reading “My First Business Trip”

Haunted

Haunted

Originally posted on May 23rd, 2019…

Lately, sometimes, it literally feels like I’m being haunted.

Haunted by the things that happened, haunted by the promises I believed, the future that I so clearly saw. Haunted by the person you once were, the person who surely no longer exists but at one time was the realest soul I’ve ever encountered in this lifetime. Continue reading “Haunted”

I am Happy

I am happy.

In a totally different way than ever before.

For very different reasons.

In some of the same beautiful ways but more so, in brand new, exciting, mindshattering ways.

And apparently THIS (pictured below) is the face of that happiness. It’s what expression I have instantly made in every photo for quite a while now. When I try to smile with my teeth, which is the norm for me and it looks forced and weird and inauthentic right now. I’m not sure how to explain it but that is obviously not the expression of the type of happiness I’m experiencing right now and I am totally okay with that!

This expression is one of exploration. It is one of adventure. It is one of learning. It is one of deeply experiencing something fucking beautiful with zero idea of how to really put said experiences into words just yet.

This expression is perfect for this phase 

Surrender

Surrender

SURRENDER.
It’s something that was brought to my attention about a year ago. Let go of the “how”. Quit constantly looking for the thing that you’re looking for and instead focus inward, have faith that the universe has your back and be open to receive.

Easy peasy right? Wrong.

It’s been one of the most challenging and multi-layered lessons I’ve learned yet. (And it seems to be the gift that keeps on giving…)

The way it started with me was focusing on one thing I had been wanting to manifest at the time (a man!) and focusing on doing the work, making space for him, visualizing him and our love but then going about my day and not focusing on where he might be, when he might show up, and how it was all going to go down. I struggled with this for a while but when I finally stopped forcing it, he showed up. Like out of nowhere, in a pool with the bluest eye balls I’d ever seen, a voice that changed my life forever, and a soul that mine instantly recognized. A lot of which perfectly matched what I had been wanting to manifest… all of which did not in any way shape or form appear or happen in the way I could have ever imagined that it would. Continue reading “Surrender”