Anxiety

Anxiety

Happiness is a choice.

I say that a lot and people who battle depression and/or anxiety tell me I’m wrong. That the choice of happiness is out of their control. Being someone who deals with anxiety, I understand how much more difficult it is to flip your mindset when these emotions try to take over.

And sometimes it wins. Sometimes you can’t shut it up in time and you go into a spiral of doubt and guilt and questioning everything. Even if you logically know none of what your emotions are telling you is at all truth, it’s still very present and grows almost at a rapid rate.
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Being Vulnerable

Being Vulnerable

It’s okay to let someone take care of you sometimes.

Seems almost silly to even say this out loud, but to all of you crazy independent heretics who are right there with me working daily to take over the world, it’s okay to let someone take care of you now and then.

For my entire adult life I’ve always worked hard to NEVER need anyone. Part of my insane proactive nature is to be super prepared and never need anyone to help me with anything…

This is something I’ve completely flipped and adjusted professionally… Hiring a staff and letting them be there for me is a must and something I’ve always been okay with. BUT in my personal life… Not so much.

I suck at letting anyone see me vulnerable.
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Overcoming Fear

Overcoming Fear

I was reading an article this morning about fear… and honestly, fear is something I spend a lot of time paying attention to when it pops up because it has so much to tell us if we’re willing to listen.

So, this morning I decided to extend my morning practice into some meditation coloring. As I was filling in the swirls of the mandala, I let my thoughts flow freely. And after about 10 minutes of that I started to ask myself “What are you so scared of?”

Because I’ve been feeling the presence of fear lately, but it hasn’t been clear as to why or what it was that I’m scared of in my current situation. Continue reading “Overcoming Fear”

Physical Change

Physical Change

I almost don’t recognize this girl sometimes.

I have intentionally put on 14 lbs of muscle in the past 2 years. Before that I was the “skinny girl”. Arms like tooth picks, super thin legs, even my shoulders/collar bone area looked completely different. Continue reading “Physical Change”

Time Alone

Time Alone

The past few years I’ve spent the majority of my time alone.

A lot of it by choice, a lot of it simply because I refuse to “fill” my space just for the sake of filling it.

The past few summers it feels like I’m either spending the weekends traveling, surrounded by people, living the dream and feeling so full or I’m home, by myself, feeling full but also wishing someone was there.

Wishing might not be the right word. But honestly I’m not even sure any of this is going to make sense or even truly get my point across. I’ve been thinking about writing on the topic for a long time but could never find the words to really describe this strange state I find myself in a lot of the time.
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The Gym

The Gym

I remember a time when going to the gym was the last thing I ever wanted to do. When cancelling a training session was always an option when my day was going bad or I wasn’t feeling well.

Oh how things have changed…

Now, the worse the day, the worse I feel, the more I want to be in the gym. The more I want to put my headphones on, stare myself in the face, and prove to myself how strong I really am.

Today I feel like a zombie.
Pouring myself into my clients for over 16 hours this weekend drained me (and lit me up, but energy hangover like whoa).
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Glamorous

Glamorous

Originally Published May 28, 2018

“I know, I know… My life is so glamorous”…

I’ve caught myself saying this a few times lately, sort of poking fun at myself as I’m conducting my daily life… you know meal prepping or spending my holiday weekend working and organizing my house. Like this morning…it’s Memorial day and someone texted me asking, “What are you doing?” And I thought to myself as I was walking through the grocery store… “Man, my life is so glamorous” and I laughed out loud. Continue reading “Glamorous”