People who want a solution will find one.
People who don’t will either keep complaining or ignore you completely when you try to help.
You can throw someone a million solutions or pieces of help and if they aren’t really looking for it or aren’t ready, it won’t matter. It will be instantly followed by a bunch of excuses to match.
That’s okay. Everyone comes to things in their own time.
You have to stop taking that on as YOUR responsibility.
No matter how hard you try, until someone is ready, they won’t hear you and instead you’re breaking yourself down and exhausting your efforts in the meantime.
I can’t tell you how many people come to me complaining about not having enough time, but aren’t willing to adjust their schedule or where they’re focusing.
Or about problems paying their bills every month, or have financial debts that they are avoiding and ask for help but don’t want to cut spending or stop getting their nails done, eyelashes filled, or the most popular one… stop paying 100s of dollars for a new tattoo.
Another big one is wanting to lose weight or getting healthier but won’t stop drinking beers every night or stop eating crap. Not interested in changing a thing, but remaining unhappy with their appearance.
I have a firm rule in my world, if you continue to complain about it but are taking no action to change it, after about 3 times of this happening, you’re not allowed to complain to me anymore. I simply stop entertaining or acknowledging it. I literally change the subject.
Here’s the thing I want to tell you… YOU who tries to help people who don’t want it and you’re banging your head against the wall.
Do they really want help?
Or are they just looking for attention or maybe your time?
I’ve found that sometimes people bring up (or make up) problems without even realizing it simply to start a conversation and get some of your time.
Start looking closer. Notice those moments and change the narrative.
Don’t go round and round trying to shove your help down someone’s throat or get mad at them for not taking your advice.
Instead, (if they’re important to you) DO ask questions about their life, things they like, include them in things, share your life with them, and show them they’re important to you. Let them feel seen without commiserating or fueling the attention seeking tool of complaining yet changing nothing.
It will be better for you and for them.
And don’t judge them. Just stop trying to fix it.
If and when they are ready to create a change, it will always come down to them… not you.
So let yourself off the hook… and let go of that resentment you feel for spending so much frustrating time offering solutions time and time again.
I get it, I’ve been there. For everyone’s sake (mainly your own, honestly) take this message to heart and shift the way you’re playing into the conversation.