Are you calculating your own worth based off outside validation?
Before you write this off as “Nope, not me” and keep scrolling… Hear me out because this one can be pretty tricky.
When I say outside validation, I’m referring to a number of things. From approval, acceptance, and praise for your personal work, thoughts, or actions- to feeling whole based off the number of people who are seeking your energy, your advice, or your attention.
A lot of times we allow the feedback and/or acknowledgement of others to give us that “oh, I’m not crazy” feeling or that “proof” that we are right, good enough, or good at what we do based upon THEIR response.
I believe there is a time for reflection and appreciation of an outside response, based upon someone seeing you or accepting you BUT I know that there is a fine line between feeling seen and needing that validation to feel worthy.
The same goes with measuring your worth or value based off the number of people you are pouring into every day. The number of messages in your inbox, calls you get, or fires you put out on the behalf of others each day isn’t what makes you worthy or valuable, not even close.
Sure, helping other people can fill you up and make you feel good. But again with the slippery slope of outside validation from the solving of other peoples problems making you feel “good enough” or like you have purpose.
Your worth is innate, you were born with it. No one gives it to you. Just like no one can take it from you without your permission.
Yours to honor, to nurture, and strengthen.
And I think we miss that. We get it really twisted and assume that everything I mentioned above is what stamps us with the label “Worth it” or “Valuable” in the eyes of the world, or at least in the eyes of the people who continue to look to you to give all of our energy to keep them moving.
Listen, they probably aren’t doing it intentionally but the fact remains that if you allow easy access to your energy and your genius, people will keep sucking you dry as long as you’ll allow it.
But it feeds into that path of “I’m only worthy when I…”
Or “I’m only worth it IF…”
So how do we change that? We spend the time to learn ourselves. We practice self validation. We pay attention to moments where we are brilliant and amazing and create goodness and WE validate them. We stack them in a pile of reasons why we are worthy. And we keep doing it until we believe it.
But we have to stop giving free access to every ounce of our being to whomever inquires because it’s stunting you. It’s shrinking your magic, your power. It’s constantly stopping you from taking care of your own house and making sure things are in order there. It keeps you in a constant cycle of catch up, always behind on your own things while other walk away feeling full and accomplished after you pour the last little bit of yourself into THEM. Leaving you empty, drained, and with more piling up.
Freely giving of yourself to whomever comes knocking is drastically affecting your ability to find your own worth in the first place.
So you must put up fences and bring it all back into yourself. Call all that you’ve given back into your own body. Refill your cup and then start tomorrow with a new stance. One where you budget your energy wisely. One where your needs, tasks, well being, and house come FIRST.
Because they must… if you want to thrive.
And always remember, that boundary is yours to establish and then keep, not theirs to create but yours.
It’s your gift to yourself, and ultimately it’s your gift to the world because when your worth and fullness is only connected to YOU, that’s when you can serve in the true way you’re meant to.