She came to me looking for a way to find herself again… perhaps actually find herself for the first time, really.
You see, she was recently retired, her kids were grown and without raising kids and being a boss in her industry she wasn’t really sure what was left for her. Searching for a purpose, we started.
Now the path we went down was deep and personal so I’m not going to share the details BUT I do want to share a moment that stands out to me the most about our work together.
I remember so clearly the day this happened. We had a few weeks of sessions that were really deep, diving into things that have happened and her feelings around it. During those conversations, I worked hard to remind her that she is allowed to have her opinion, allowed to feel the way she did, and it was not right for ANYONE to ever tell her she was wrong for that.
On our next call, she told me that the previous week was the first time in her life that she had someone tell her it was okay to feel the way she did.
I like to say “Feel your feels” and “You’re allowed to feel that way, that’s not wrong.” and that day I realized that many people go through most of their lives never being told that it’s okay. After all, who gets to determine what is “wrong” after all?
The harsh truth is, most of us are in fact told that we’re wrong for feeling the way that we do about something. Typically it’s by someone who doesn’t actually understand feelings or isn’t interested in accepting the part they may have played in the situation. It’s typically a defensive response and also a way to keep things surface level.
But in the process, it’s damaging to the other person. It makes you feel dismissed. It makes you question your own value, your own thoughts, your own stance. Ultimately it causes you to question what you’re feeling inside and if in fact, it is… WRONG.
Here’s the thing; Feelings are an indicator. They’re there to tell you something. They’re there to guide you. And if you allow anyone to push you to dismiss or play them out, it can prove to be pretty catastrophic to your own mental and emotional health, as well as your sense of self-worth.
So, today I would like to offer you this statement that may be the exact thing you’re missing and it’s that YOU ARE ALLOWED TO FEEL THE WAY YOU ARE FEELING. At any point in time, if you feel it, there is a reason and there is NOTHING wrong about it.
Now going deeper into what to do with those feelings or how to use them to help you identify a deeper level of what’s going on is another thing, one that is too in-depth to explain in a post but for now, I’ll leave you with this… No one and I mean, NO ONE gets to tell you how you feel. That’s yours.