“I’m so happy for you! So many good things are happening in your life right now!”
Last week, I was given this message three times in less than two days and honestly, I was a little taken back by it. They were right, things are starting to fall in place for me in all areas and move forward and are super good but why didn’t I see it?
Well, the truth is, I DID, in fact, see it. I can clearly see the spaces where my work continues to pay off. I can clearly see where the Universe is delivering. I can clearly see where my own healing and release allowed space for more joy to come to me. I can clearly feel the difference.
So why was I so shocked when I heard someone point it out to me?
I’ve been pondering on this for a few days and here’s what I believe to be the case;
I didn’t want to “get my hopes up”.
Which basically means that I didn’t want to get ahead of myself when things started to get better (they’ve been good for a long while, so getting better is a more accurate description of what is happening right now). And what that stems from is my past pattern of trying to control every detail in order to get the result that I desire. So while I’ve released that pattern, there are still a few things at play there under the surface that I was not aware of.
My old need to try and predict and plan for what may or may not happen mixed with my new habit of allowing left me doing two things; being present to enjoy the moments in the moments for the beauty that they are AND to an extent, I blocking out what was really happening so I didn’t get too ahead of myself.
What a clever little mixture of old and new that my brain put into play there, right?
In realizing this I decided to let go of the blocking and acknowledge the fact that I can, in fact, be happy and present in the moments while being grateful and owning this happiness to its fullness, all while NOT obsession or jumping ahead to what might be or what might happen. It feels like a perfect blend of awareness and surrender and I’m freaking loving it.
Major key here; You can’t have surrender without self-awareness.
The second thing I realized was at play here was my underlying need to “do more”, “be more”, “have more”. Which is basically the same thing as never being enough, never doing enough, never having enough.
Now, I know that none of that is true. I’m in fact a very high producer and get more done in a day than the average bear (that’s not an ego statement, that is just a way of being for me that I tend to ignore and in turn beat myself up for no reason). I also have trained my brain to never “waste time” so again, I know in my bones that I’m never not doing enough or having enough or being enough. Everything has a purpose in my world, even if that purpose is to get lost in an aimless task because my brain is mushy from too many calls or watching a show to give my mind a rest for a while. All things have a purpose and a ripple effect around here. I know this, I created it this way.
BUT in the midst of new, beautiful developments as of late, for a quick minute, I failed to see these things and was doing life instead. Which isn’t really a bad thing but it’s super important that we acknowledge the things that are transpiring in our life. It’s super important that we look at what is happening and show appreciation for whatever it is. It’s super important that we celebrate our wins and learn from the not exactly “winning” moments too. Basically what I’m trying to say is that it’s super important to be AWARE and allow yourself to truly see and feel the things in life. After all, that’s what LIVING is all about, right?