When I first moved into my new place I was sitting on the floor on pillows where my couch was supposed to be, looking around my living room at the small amount of furniture I had and I started to envision what I wanted this room to be for me.

I visualized this desk. This simple desk carefully placed under this big window. This desk is where I would write all of my stories. This chapter was about to be the best one yet and this space would be the perfect setting for it to all unfold.

This simple desk vision I had reminded me of the desk that Carrie Bradshaw had in her New York City apartment. The place where she wrote her stories. The place where we reflected all of the ups and downs of life. The place where her chapters were transformed into books. And I’m covered in goosebumps again just thinking about how deeply I am drawn to that vision.

So I started to create it. The space. The desk. The little additions. The simplicity. The perfect space to house the complexity and beauty of life as it pours out of my finger tips onto these pages.

And as I sit here in my perfect space. My post war sanctuary, it couldn’t be more clear that this was all part of the plan long before I ever knew it was. It unfolded in such a brilliant way that I’m still amazed by it all when I stop and think about all of the pieces, even the really ugly ones and how they had the most incredible role to play in my continued transformation.

I can honestly say I am a different person today than I was 9 weeks ago. It’s been a series of big, mind blowing evolutions the past year or so and these last 9 weeks have been 10x the evolving compared to the rest… and the previous shifts I’m referring to have been pretty fucking large so that says a lot honestly.

I wish I could explain fully the way I internally feel… changed.

And maybe someday I will be able to put it into words. Actually, I’m sure I will because I feel it in my bones that sharing all of this is why it’s happened. To lead the way. To show what’s possible. To shine even brighter than I knew as possible before.

That’s what this chapter has been for me… life altering. Soul shaking. Universe denting. And I couldn’t be more grateful for every step of it. Every feeling. Every bit of anger. Every tear. Every fearful thought. Every step made without any certainty of where I was going. All while learning a new level of trusting myself and surrendering the control that I once used as my means for existence.

In a strange way, this chair, this desk, this window bring all of that together for me. “Home” lives inside of my heart and what a courageous thing it’s been to discover.

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