SURRENDER.
It’s something that was brought to my attention about a year ago. Let go of the “how”. Quit constantly looking for the thing that you’re looking for and instead focus inward, have faith that the universe has your back and be open to receive.

Easy peasy right? Wrong.

It’s been one of the most challenging and multi-layered lessons I’ve learned yet. (And it seems to be the gift that keeps on giving…)

The way it started with me was focusing on one thing I had been wanting to manifest at the time (a man!) and focusing on doing the work, making space for him, visualizing him and our love but then going about my day and not focusing on where he might be, when he might show up, and how it was all going to go down. I struggled with this for a while but when I finally stopped forcing it, he showed up. Like out of nowhere, in a pool with the bluest eye balls I’d ever seen, a voice that changed my life forever, and a soul that mine instantly recognized. A lot of which perfectly matched what I had been wanting to manifest… all of which did not in any way shape or form appear or happen in the way I could have ever imagined that it would.

Next, the big lesson was surrendering to the obligation I had allowed myself to cling so hard to in my local atmosphere and family that I had spent my entire life in. Surrendering the need to explain my every move. Surrendering the power I let everyone else have over me, even when they didn’t even know they had power over me in the first place. And surrendering my need to justify my every action. Letting those things go, releasing them from my control and my wheelhouse of things I had to constantly focus on was an extremely emotional experience for me. It was like I was re-writing a part of my existence… because guess what? I was. But I did it. And I moved. And I cut a lot of social contracts. And I re-wrote a lot of social contracts. And that feeling like I was suffocating, it lifted. That constant anxiety I felt? I got to Iowa and it was gone. I could breathe for the first time in a long time. Surrender wins again.

Flash forward to where I’m currently standing right now. I’m basically in the process of rewriting some of the foundation ways that I operate inside my head, things that have been there since childhood. My automatic responses and the underlying emotions that are attached to those. Facing things that I always allowed to cause inner turmoil for me and things that in turn have affected some people I love as well. In times making me a little difficult to understand. Yep. Hairy, scary, ugly stuff. BUT all seriously rejuvenating and eye opening at the same time. I’m grateful for the opportunity, even if it wasn’t presented in a super fun way, I know that it’s happening because in order for me to fully inhabit the person I know I’m meant to me, I have to go through all of this. And in the middle of it all, I’m in a situation where the only thing in the world that I have any control over at all is myself. Like in more of a way than I’ve ever experienced before. That’s what’s lead to these most recent discoveries… the fact that I have quite literally been forced into a spot where I have no control at all, outside of what’s going on in my own head, the actions that I’m taking, and the way I’m choosing to react to it all. That’s it. SURRENDER BABY.

And to take it ONE step further… not only have I surrendered to time and allowing time and the universe to do whatever it is that needs to be done before I can get to the other side of this, all while I’m doing my part (work on me and lots of healing space), I realized another layer. A layer where I must stop even THINKING about other people. I don’t mean that I don’t think of others and I’m just an asshole, but I mean in my actions, in my daily behaviors, in the choices that I’m making, they must be about me. About serving my highest good. About being what I want to be or where I want to be in that present moment because again… it’s ALL I CAN CONTROL. And the really beautiful part of all of that is by doing that, it’s actually more beneficial to everyone around me than the alternative was or would be anyway. Because light and love are contagious and they come from focusing within yourself first.

Not an easy task BUT a challenge I’m grateful for because I can already see and feel not only the freedom and ease truly mastering this will allow me, but also those that are closest to me. I can clearly see how much pressure it will take off of everything. EVERYTHING and EVERYONE in my realm and it’s truly a beautiful feeling and space to get to work on.

So similarly to most of the items we choose to work on in our lives, it’s an ongoing process, multi-faceted, and multi-layered. Fascinating if you ask me. And equally as scary. But I will not cower from the challenge. And if any of this resonates with you, I welcome you to look deeper as well and know that things show up for a reason, because you need to face them, heal them, learn from them, and move forward.

Sending out so much love to you all . You are not alone.

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