The heat kicks on in this house and it’s like you turned on a white noise machine. Chandler hates it because it means he has to turn up the TV to hear his shows, but I actually find it super comforting, especially in the morning before anyone else is awake. It’s like a barrier of sound that muffles everything just a little bit, just enough for me to refocus my thoughts when life gets a little too loud.
And guys, let me tell you life has been really damn loud lately. A lot has been happening that I couldn’t have planned for if I was Merlin himself but as I sit here this morning reflecting back on how life has been transpiring lately and looking to what this week has in store, I can honestly say that through it all, I’ve stayed surprisingly calm.
I’ve had moments where I wanted to quit, where every fear based thought in my head was trying to convince me that I was a failing at keeping this household running, my business up, and still maintaining my own sanity, and nights where bedtime couldn’t come soon enough because if I had to repeat “leave Bonnie alone” or “get your fingers out of your mouth” one more time I might just lose it. BUT in all reality those moments were minuscule compared to all the others. They made up 1/4 of the emotions I felt every day so in fact, failure was not even close to being where I was standing. When looking at the big picture, I’ve been killing it. Despite all the obstacles, unknowns, new ventures, and gigantic new territories I’ve been standing in these past two months I’ve been keeping all of the plates spinning in air or at least stopping them and politely sitting them down before anything crashed and burned.
Has it been perfect? Not even close. I’ve had meltdowns. I even went live on a scheduled training in my group with no makeup, standing in my kitchen cooking dinner because I forgot the time and things hit the fan that day and I had no other choice. BUT in the grand scheme of things, I’m winning. And you probably are too… Way more than you’re giving yourself credit for at least.
Talk about a massive testament to the work I’ve been doing over the past couple of years. I remember a moment when I was talking with my coach not too long ago when I was getting super impatient about ‘doing the work’ and ‘creating space’ and ‘keeping my eye on the prize’ and she told me “You’re preparing. Everything you’re doing right now is preparing you to receive everything you’ve ever wanted and when it happens, you’ll be ready. No tests. No trials. It will just fit.” Boy, was she right.
It’s in these types of moments of reflection that I can see so freaking clearly how all the internal work I’ve done has prepared me for everything that I’ve been given. It prepared me for the beauty. It prepared me for the chaos. It prepared me for the light and the dark all in the same time. And it prepared me to handle it all with so much grace that I can continue to be an example of what it means to live intentionally…even when you have more than just yourself to worry about and care for.
You see, all of this was by design.
Through journaling daily, diving deep into my patterns, distinguishing triggers, re-writing rules, identifying stories and the parts I played in them and truly taking control of the things I can control while completely surrendering the things I can’t and allowing the Universe and God to co-create WITH me. None of it has been easy or sunshiny easy beautiful-ness. It’s been dark and weird and confusing but holy shit it it’s not been worth it. Because for every dark moment, I’ve been given 100 more bright, joy, love filled ones and now (because of the work I’ve done) I can actually be present in them and enjoy them… all while honoring the journey at the same time.
So, if you’re in the muck of it right now and you’re feeling frustrated please let me be a testament to keep going, keep pushing, keep doing the work on YOU because it IS the answer to everything you’ve ever wanted.
Don’t give up yet. It will all be worth it, I promise.