Today I walked a Labyrinth.
Before today I didn’t even know what that meant. Or what it was.
But I can tell you that I was divinely guided to find this space on this day.
Here’s why; I’ve been having quite the rollercoaster ride lately. Lots of realizations, changes, shifts, and all the feelings. But I guess that the deeper you go, the more you dig, the more “woke” you get, sometimes that’s just a normal part of your day to day.
So, this morning I just felt uneasy, for no real reason why. I did my normal routine, got grounded, pulled cards, made the bed, sat with Bonnie, journaled with my coffee, read my book, listened to my drums, but still couldn’t kick it.
Somewhere around 11am I stopped for a minute and realized that I could barely even remember any of the things I had done that day, without really stopping to think hard about it.
It was like I was in a trance.
So I messaged my coach because just yesterday we had talked about switching the habit I have of contacting her “after the fact” to update her on what I had been feeling, what I learned from it, and how I moved past it…instead of calling her in the moment and leaning on her or allowing her to hold space for me… after all, that is what she’s there for, right?
So, this time I listened, and I messaged her in the muck of it. Most of the time when I’m in the feeling I was in I don’t talk to anyone about it because I don’t yet know how to explain what I’m experiencing. I tend to just go deep and explore and sift through it myself until I discover what it is I’m meant to learn. But this time, despite the uncomfortable feeling I get when I’m not able to clearly explain myself, I reached out to her and rambled what I was experiencing.
We talked through some things, and she had some intuitive insights on what was happening. And it was so enlightening to realize that it was OKAY to feel these things (again). Even though I already consciously KNEW it was okay, it helped to look at it in a different light and be able to see that even if it’s frustrating right now, this is clearing just space. This is shining very direct light on what is to be the next level of this mission I’m on.
It was refreshing to hear even more evidence that my job right now is to keep surrendering and stay open to what’s being brought to my table. Every powerful human I’ve been working with on this journey of mine lately has been repeatedly telling me that it’s all about to unfold. That everything is simultaneously lining up and clearing to be unlike anything I could even imagine. A whole new level of my divine purpose on this planet.
They said the same thing about finding my soulmate and it was turmoil and messy and frustrating as hell as everything unfolded and cleared and bubbled to the surface that I needed to deal with and all the time they were all telling me the same thing; “he’s right around the corner, I can feel it”.
And true to form, as soon as I had fully cleared the doorway and my table, I quite literally turned around in a pool on a random day in a place neither of us were even supposed to be that day and was met face to face with this man that I had been asking the universe for for years.
I got off on tangent there… back to THIS story.
So, I keep staying open. I keep clearing. And grounding. And listening. And downloading. And paying attention. And leaning on the amazingly powerful support system I have carefully chosen to surround myself with. All while still functioning as a solid support system and coach to my clients, a partner in my relationship, and a pillar in those who are a part of my world… sometimes it’s overwhelming.
So today while talking to my coach I referenced something my intuitive healer had said last week about me being connected to sound energies and she mentioned finding a class or meditation to attend with a group.
Insert me frantically searching online for anything remotely close to that sort of thing in my general area that I could go to RIGHT IN THAT MOMENT. I came across a Spiritual Community center near me that I didn’t even know existed. And then I saw this word “labyrinth” and was instantly drawn to it… not by coincidence obviously.
After some quick research I learned what a Labyrinth was and the next thing I knew I was pulling into the location and starting down the path. There was no one around either, I took this to be yet another sign that this was exactly what I needed.
(Side note; This is the definition I found: A labyrinth is an ancient symbol that relates to wholeness. It combines the imagery of the circle and the spiral into a meandering but purposeful path. It represents a journey to our own center and back again out into the world. Labyrinths have long been used as meditation and prayer tools. A labyrinth is an archetype with which we can have a direct experience. Walking the labyrinth can be considered an initiation in which one awakens the knowledge encoded within their DNA.)
I pull up to the back of this center and see the sign pointing me to the path. It’s a beautiful garden space with benches, inviting old trees, and randomly placed stones all around. I walked down the path and just as I was about to enter the pattern, I heard 3 cars pull up and part. I instantly was scared and thought to myself “Please don’t come over here. I really need this space to myself right now.”
Honestly, I thought that because I don’t enjoy being emotional in front of people, it’s something I’ve had to work very hard at and today I just didn’t want to fight that battle inside of me. I feared that if they came over, I would bottle it all up and not really feel into what I was there to feel.
But with a few deep breaths, I started on my path anyway. Part of the path was shaded, and the other part was in direct sunlight. As I winded around the pattern I found to be quite beautiful simply because in the shadows it was a little difficult to see the separation of the path and the bricks between. In those moments I had to trust myself and my memory to keep my on the path. This reminded me of these times much like today when things on my path aren’t very clear or well-lit and how in those moments it is imperative to the journey that I not only trust that the Universe and God have my back, but that I also trust in my own power and my own ability to handle what is put in front of me.
As I walked on for what felt like an eternity I noticed that there were moments when I almost felt lost but then just a second later I felt secure. Then I finally made it to the center. Along the entire walk I reminded myself to surrender and to be open to whatever message I’m meant to hear.
As I stepped into the center, I stepped into the sun and the wind blew against me harder than it had the entire time. I looked up, closed my eyes and it wasn’t until I felt the tear roll off my cheek that I realized I was crying. I felt so whole and so at peace in that moment. I took my time and made sure to spend intentional time facing each direction and listening to what I needed to hear. (I’ll keep that part to myself as that’s my sacred space and message.)
As I was walking back out of the pattern I couldn’t help but wonder, “Was this the exact community I’ve been looking for?” I guess we shall see.
I almost didn’t want to tell anyone about this because I wanted to keep it all to myself. I want this space to be mine, and only mine. But I know that isn’t the point. The point of these experiences is to share them, to shine my light a little brighter and to tell my story no matter how long and weird I think it may be because there’s someone out there somewhere that needs to hear this today.
Is there another reason I’m sharing this?
Yes. Because I’ve been changing ya’ll. Like awakening pieces of me from deep in my soul, part live cells, and things that I have had tucked inside my brain since my soul came to this earth. Call me crazy, I don’t care because I’ve never felt anything so pure and so sure in my life. Even in the moments of uncertainty, I’m more certain than I ever have been before. And it’s time you understand the FULL picture of this powerful creature I’ve completely stepped into being over the past few months.
The best part is, this is just the beginning….
(And I’m covered in goosebumpssssss so you know that that means!)