“Because despite all the IG posts and feel good hashtags, you know you’re a fucking failure.”
That’s a line out of the the latest love letter from my stalker I received recently. This same woman has been creating fake accounts and email addresses for years to try and get to me.
It started years ago when I took a permanent stance as the woman on the arm of a “local celebrity” that she thought was supposed to be hers. From numerous letters in the mail, to texts from ghost numbers, to calls at my old place of employment telling me that she found my dog on the side of the highway, to over 20 fake social media accounts created in order to keep tabs on me, you name it… she’s done it.
When this email came through, I literally laughed out loud. Then instantly moved it into the folder labeled “stalkers” I have in my inbox that holds all of the hate mail I have received over the years.
Did I let this upset me? Nope. But I will admit I was a little annoyed for a second. It annoys me that people are so careless with their time and energy… they could spend it in such more productive ways, but I digress.
Back to my story…
My 13 year old cousin was spending the day with me recently and asked why I was laughing and I gave her the cliff-notes version of the email and the history with this particular “fan”. And I just told her, some people can’t handle watching other people win so they do whatever they can to try and bring them down.
About an hour later we were driving to get some lunch and my cousin broke the silence by asking me “How old are you?” I replied, “30… Why?”
And she said, “Well, I hope I have half the things you have by the time I’m your age. I think your life is pretty good.”
I just smiled. She gets it.
We went on to talk about what it means to live your own life, to build something that no one else understands, and how sometimes that means that people are going to attack you for it, BUT if you’re doing it from a place of love and light then what they have to say doesn’t matter one little bit. You have to keep building anyway.
It was great to see her watch that all unfold and also to see it not bother me, make me angry, or stop me in my tracks. I didn’t realize it until I was reflecting on it later but that is a huge part of why I do what I do… To pave the path. To show other people that it’s possible. Especially the younger people in my world. To show them that they can create whatever it is that they want. If they’re committed to it, work at it every day, and keep their focus on being the best version of themselves daily.
The other beautiful part is that they’re watching me and they see that it’s not easy but it’s also WORTH IT. I mean, what a valuable lesson to learn!
I grew up knowing that you could have just enough if you worked really freaking hard, but I also grew up seeing that it would take over your life and you’d have little time for fun, you’d be exhausted all the time, or that abundance was something that never stuck around. And I’m working to show them that none of that has to be their truth. That you can work hard in a smart way and still be able to thoroughly enjoy your life at the same time. That money isn’t a bad thing and you have as much of it as you want. That it’s not a negative thing. That you can create it and keep it and keep it surrounding you. But also that success isn’t all about money, it’s about enjoying your life on your terms and no one can define that except YOU.
To show them that SHINING NO MATTER WHAT is the best choice you can ever make.
I think that’s the biggest lesson of all. The lesson of choosing to be a lighthouse in a world full of tugboats.
I’ll never know if she really grasped that story as I explained it after the question of “Why does your lighthouse tattoo mean so much to you?” was asked later on in our drive. But I’ll keep telling her that story for the rest of my life and even more importantly… I will keep SHOWING her what that means. That standing strong in who you are and shining your light in a pure way means taking care of yourself first AND being able to help people when they are ready to help.
I only wish I knew that lesson sooner. I would have missed a lot of heartache if I knew that you can tug someone all you want, but they won’t change until they’re ready. That breaks you down in a whole different way and I don’t want to see that happen to her. So, if I can shine my light bright enough to show her the way, then it will all be worth it.
So, while that ratchet chick sitting on her bar stool somewhere takes her time to stalk my every move so much that she can quote my words, tell you the names of my dogs, what car I drive, and where I live may feel better about herself when she creates yet another fake account in order to attempt to dim my light, I take pride in the fact that she will not succeed.
She can hater-fan-girl all she wants, I’m going to keep shining. No matter what. She and others like her haven’t stopped me yet… even after 5 years of trying, they can’t even touch me at this point. I’m stronger now and more firmly planted in my truth than I ever have been before so there’s no chance of knocking this girl off the pedastal she put herself on 😉 And that right there is true power, true light. ❤
Keep shining my friends. The world needs all the light it can get.