The relationship you have with your phone when you’re single is very different than it is when you’re not. Or at least it should be…
Phone and social media usage is a struggle that I think is very different when you’re single and live alone. Think about it, there are days where it’s your only form of human interaction outside of casual conversation with someone at a store, restaurant, or coffee shop. Because when you get home. It’s just you.
I have conversations with my clients about limiting their phone and social media usage all the time because I know for a fact that it hinders their personal productivity AND clouds their mindset…but I also know it’s hurting their relationships. I practice these same tools in my life as well but what I’ve been noticing lately, is it’s a little different than I had realized before.
I use the do not disturb option on my cell all the time. I use an app to have scheduled “downtime” where my phone is locked and I can’t access any apps. I turn it off for several hours of the day to get away from the constant distraction it can be.
BUT at night especially, sometimes it’s hard. And it’s not even that it’s hard, it’s just that sometimes I simply want to talk to someone, interacting in some way as I’m winding down from my day. Is that an unhealthy attachment? Maybe. I don’t really know but I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about it lately.
I observe others, people with spouses or roommates or kids and know that they are on their phones as much, if not more than I am so I honestly can’t say that the amount of my phone usage is out of line.
When there is someone here, I’m not on it. I’m engaged in conversation or present in the moment. But 90% of the time it’s just me and my pups so my phone is my only connection to other humans. That sounds terribly pathetic as I write this out but please know that it is not what I’m going for here.
The point I am trying to make is, if I’m alone and am still able to disconnect from my phone several hours throughout my day and intentionally take time away from it…then why can’t you? And keep in mind, I also run several businesses 100% virtually…which I can do 100% from my phone if needed.
To take it a step deeper, my point here is for you to ask yourself; Are you allowing this device to prevent you from being present with the people who are actually IN your life? Are you taking for granted the fact that the spot next to you in that king sized bed is occupied by another human being who loves you?
Because the other side of my bed is either occupied by a dog or acts as a great place to keep my remotes… so let that sink in for a second. You’re lying next to someone and not paying attention to them because your phone is more important? Wait, what is wrong with this picture?
Are you appreciating what you have right in front of you?
Or are you getting lost in something else? Putting your time and attention into a device or mindless scrolling?
Are you connecting with the soul that is currently sharing your space?
Or are you preoccupied with “social” media while they sit there in silence wishing you would interact?
I have so many people tell me that they don’t feel connected to their spouses or family and this is one of the first questions I ask, “do you put your phone away when you’re together and actually spend quality time?”
That is almost always followed by a LONG pause…because they know they don’t and it’s usually in that moment that they realize why.
The moral of the story here: Be more intentional with where you’re putting your attention friends and damnit, be grateful that you have someone to share space with in the first place the phone can wait.
P.S… Before anyone tries to comment about me being lonely, please know that there is a difference between lonely and being alone. a very very big difference. And the point of this post was to reach a few people who needed to see a little different perspective when it comes to how present they are being and how intentional they are acting to create what they “say” they want. That is all