Once upon a time I was dating this guy who said to me, “Once you realize how powerful you are, you’re going to be unstoppable.”
I took a screenshot of the text because I remember it being “so inspiring” at the time.
I ran across the photo of that text the other day and I can tell you that this time around, that comment wasn’t taken so flattering. It actually made me a little annoyed for a moment…followed by my laughter at the pure ridiculousness of the statement.
You see, this guy had a habit of questioning me, questioning my motives, my growth, my abilities, etc. I didn’t realize it until the relationship, or whatever it was, had come to an end but the entire thing had been one big competition… to him, not to me.
Looking back I realize that this has been a common thread for me in a lot of different types of relationships I’ve had with men (friendship, professional, and romantic), the recurring face of competition rearing its head. And not from me, but from them.
Naturally, I like to win but the only person I’ve ever really been competitive with in my life has been myself (or anyone I play Monopoly against) so I can confidently tell you the competition in the relationships was not stemming from me, it was stemming from the ego of the other party.
Almost like they would try to bring me down a couple of pegs any chance they got or do anything they could to keep me second guessing myself in one area or another.
I’m not saying it was malicious, in fact I think most of it was actually subconscious. I’ve spent a lot of time over the past couple of years dissecting things; patterns, situations, reactions, etc. and my conclusion on this topic is that most of it was purely subconscious, out of fear or insecurity.
One day when discussing this situation with a male friend of mine, who is one of the most REAL humans I know, he said to me “Jamie, you make him question everything about himself. You know that right?”
I just stood there, because no, I was not aware of this.
My friend went on to explain that because I am exactly who I say I am and I do exactly what I say I do, actually live my truth and am confident in who I am and am the person I so loudly exclaim to be and that I wholeheartedly, all the time, without a doubt show up as that person in every situation it in turn makes people realize every place in their own lives that they are not doing all those things themselves.
I was a little in shock at this and sat there for a moment in silence. As I processed this statement, I had hundreds of examples cross my mind that backed up this explanation I had just received.
Holy. Shit. Mind. Blown.
When I finally spoke I said, “So basically because I’m not full of shit, I make people who are lying see that they actually are full of shit?”
He laughed and said “Yes. Basically, people like you and me need to hand out sunglasses to those who can’t handle how bright we shine by being so real.”
(This was long before I had the lighthouse tattoo too, by the way )
Since then I’ve had to remind myself of this in many situations. When people say things that are backhandedly meant to bring me down, I remember that I don’t need their approval and most likely, that comment comes directly from their own insecurities, so I pay it no mind and simply go about business as usual.
Because here is the true moral of this story:
I knew how powerful I was when that original comment was made. I was LIVING in that power everyday. Even in the moments where I allowed this individual to make me question it, I was powerful. I AM powerful and I AM unstoppable because I know that and I own it and live in that place everyday.
No matter how many people try to knock me down, it won’t happen. And since that realization, I can say I now honor people more from where THEY are based on the things they choose to reflect back to me about myself. It no longer affects me and makes me understand them better.
And then I just smile and shine bright as fuck anyways because like attracts like my friends and I no longer choose to reach down to bring one up near my level. I only allow those already at my level or actively paving their own path to come into my space and let me tell you, it’s a beautiful thing.
Be the change not only that you wish to see in this world, but that you wish to see in your SPACE!