Real talk: I’m nauseous constantly.
I wake up nauseous and have to literally talk myself out of puking every morning. Thank God I’m as mentally strong as I am. Until about a year ago I DID actually puke every morning because I woke up with my blood sugar so out of wack. I have made major improvements in my quality of life over the past couple of years by systems of trial and error and figuring out what makes me feel the best.
It’s been a lot of work, but I’ve been dedicated to figuring out what makes this better.
I don’t take medicine often because I’m super sensitive to everything. Sugars, meds, antibiotics, etc. The reaction in my body is extreme because of how quickly it metabolizes everything so I’ve had to figure all of this out through a lot of testing and documenting the results. But mainly, I just try to stay away from anything unnatural coming into my body because 90% of it makes me sick as fuck.
Now, before you ask; YES I’ve been to the doctor. I’ve been to several and for years they bounced me around from place to place without ever really being able to give me an answer. Basically, the easiest way to describe what happens to me, is that I’m the opposite of a diabetic, but on a very extreme level. My sugar spikes and then will drop within a few seconds leaving me either passing out or on the verge where all I can do is sleep it off and hope I wake up feeling better.
I’m not telling you this for you to type your opinion of a diagnosis in the comments or for you to feel sorry for me. I’m just telling you this because lately, it’s been a lot worse than it’s been in a while and it’s wearing on me.
It’s frustrating as fuck when I can’t control it. It’s embarrassing when you’re trying to be around new people and then out of nowhere you’re pale, lethargic, and puking your brains out in their bathroom without any rhyme or reason (or so it appears). It makes me hide it because trying to explain this to someone makes me feel crazy or weak or like they’re going to think I’m this fragile little person, or even worse like I’m full of shit. And it sucks.
Now some of it is my fault. I know that stress is toxic to my system. It makes me physically ill. I know that I if I don’t eat a certain way or eat enough, that I will be sick a few days later. I know that if I don’t drink enough water, the nausea is worse. I know that if I don’t get restful sleep that the weakness and fog is almost unbearable. I know all of these things and I do my best to keep them in strict check every day.
And most days, I do great. Most days I’m on it and it’s perfect and I’m fine but then there are the days that I rebel. I do what I want. I don’t follow it strict. I allow stress to keep me up at night. I get sucked into a big project and ignore everything else. I’m fucking human and sometimes I wish my body would allow me to just be that. But it doesn’t. It’s quick to remind me that I’m not normal and that I have to live a little differently than most if I want to be at my prime every day.
But the reality is, lately I have not been at my prime. It’s been about a 60/40 type of balance. 40% of the days, I feel like I’m barely physically making it through and then I mentally fuck myself over by diving into everything I ate, drank, etc to figure out WHY I am feeling this way. Which stresses me out worse and the cycle continues.
I’m not really sure why I’m telling you this other than that I feel the need to always be honest with ya’ll and show you what’s really going on in my world. To show you the battles I’m fighting even though I may also be kicking ass in the process, I’m still battling something you can’t see. It’s real. It’s hard. And it’s ugly.
I’m determined to fix it though. Like I mentioned before, I’ve made gigantic strides in improving my quality of life health wise over the past two years and on average I feel better than I ever have. But now it’s time to get rid of the other times. It’s time to minimize the bad days. I’ve hired a specialist and we’re doing the most intense blood work panel there is to figure out where everything is at and make sure that there isn’t something that the other doctors missed. And we’ll go from there to figure this all out.
If you actually took the time to read this, Thank you. You guys seriously mean the world to me and I can’t thank you enough for always being in my corner. And use this as a reminder of two things; 1.) You are not an island. Everyone is battling something, and it’s usually something that you can’t see so don’t be quick to judge and don’t be too hard on yourself if you’re fighting something too. 2.)You CAN overcome whatever is handed to you. You just have to want to and then put in the work to do it. I’m living proof in more ways than one. But this is physical proof that I refuse to lay down and be a victim of my circumstances and you shouldn’t either.