For those of you who have been following me for a while… You know that I’m constantly doing things. I made the commitment a couple years ago to dive head first into this entrepreneurial world. It’s been enlightening. It’s been scary. It’s been the textbook definition of a roller coaster ride. I am so grateful in many ways, and I’m so grateful for all of you. You’ve watched me continue to expand this journey. It just means the freaking world to me. It’s honestly an honor to have you in my space, and in my world.
There’s a lot of lessons from 2017… I’m a firm believer that if you’re not feeling uncomfortable, and making mistakes, and learning lessons then you’re not growing. That means you’re standing still. That’s not a good place to be, right? At least not for me. I’ll go crazy.
One of the things I learned this year is the fact that I had no freaking idea that I could create physical strength within my body. Learning what my body is capable of… the fact that my mental strength and my physical strength can work together… I never knew that was a thing. It was never a part of my life before. I’m the girl who you guys have seen pictures of that I posted from when I was 19 years old, and I weighed 110 pounds. I am 5’10 so weighing 110 pounds is actually extremely unhealthy. I had zero muscle mass. I had zero endurance. I was not healthy, but that’s just how my natural physique is if I don’t do anything about it.
Now I’m at a point where I’m building legitimate strength. That was a big lesson for me… recognizing I could be 100% in control of how I feel everyday physically. I knew I could do it mentally. I’ve always done it mentally. I had to in my past experiences. I had to have the mental strength to survive. Now, being able to take that mental strength, and put it into a place where I can have the physical strength match it. I didn’t know it was even possible for me to have muscles! I didn’t even know I could do that.
I now know my body can physically endure what it needs to. I am physically prepared, and continue to prepare for anything that comes at me. Say I need to go run from the bad guy who’s trying to get me, I can. If I need to go fight somebody off, I’ve always been trained in self-defense, but now I have the physical strength behind it. I didn’t even know that was possible. It has made me feel powerful. It’s made me feel even more confident in the fact that I am 100% in control of how I react and handle any situation physically and mentally.
This year I got a tattoo that means a lot to me. I have overcome a physical condition that has hindered my life since I was five years old. Five years old was the first time I ever passed out. It’s been a part of my life ever since. I was able to overcome that when I got this tattoo, and that is just a testament to the work that I’ve been doing every single day to create my own fucking reality where it is no longer controlled by something else. It’s controlled by me. I’m in control of it.
The next lesson is that I made a commitment two years ago to rip my life open for the world to see. I show you basically everything. I’m super raw with you. I am super real with you guys. I do it because being really honest with you makes me feel a lot better. My purpose in life was to be on this earth to share these things with you, and to have the struggles I’ve had, and to have the experiences that I go through, so I can share them with people to help them. To help them know they’re not alone. To help them push forward. There are some people that that is their purpose on this planet… to be a lighthouse and say you’re not alone. Let me guide you to where you don’t hit the same rocks that I did, or if you do hit those rocks you know that the world isn’t going to end… That you’re not going to fall flat on your face. If you do fall flat on your face you can pick yourself back up. That’s the thing I would say. I made that commitment. I made that commitment two years ago that I was going to just literally rip my life open to the world, and continue to live that.
Sharing everything is hard. It’s scary. It creates other situations that you might not recognize. I’ve gotten death threats. I’ve gotten letters in the mail talking about my boyfriend cheating on me. I get emails from people who make up fake accounts. I’ve gotten things dropped off at my door. A lot of shit comes along with deciding that you’re going to lead a public life, and it probably doesn’t help that Tony was locally famous. That kind of added to the mix, but I still committed to doing it. That kind of hindered me in 2016, because those things happened. This year I was like, “I don’t fucking care.” And I’ll tell you that I haven’t had any of that shit happen to me in a while other than I’ve had to block some numbers, and deal with people that are trying to harass me. I made the commitment, and the deeper that I go into the journey the deeper the understanding is that this is exactly what I’m here for, and this is my purpose, and I’m never going to not do this. If social media shut down tomorrow, I would find a way to reach my people, and talk to my people.
It’s just a purpose that I have so one of the biggest lessons that I learned is that the stronger that I’m committed to this lifestyle, the better I feel, and the more open it is, and the more doors are opened, and the more rewarding it is. It’s scary, think about this in a world where I’m not married. I don’t have children. I live my life very publicly. Not every man comes into my space is going to be okay with that. He wouldn’t be the right person for me. It’s going to take a very special human to be able to fit into this mix, and be a part of this lifestyle with me, but I continue creating it. Do I know exactly what that’s going to look like? No, but do I have faith that it can happen? Yes. So, I continue creating, and I’m just so fucking committed, that I’m not worrying about what might happen, or who might do what.
I know that I’m very intentional with what I’m creating, and what I put out there, and how I do what I do. I’m extremely intentional with everything that I say, and how open I am. It’s on purpose. I stop what I’m doing, and tell you guys about things, or I make sure that I understand what I want to talk about before I talk about it. I don’t speak from a place of things that I … I only speak from a place of knowledge, or my own experience on purpose. It’s very intentional. You’ll never hear me just spout out some bullshit at you that I’m not educated on, because that’s just not who I am as a human. I’m extremely intentional with what I’m creating, and what I’m putting into the world basically, and the energy I’m putting out there, and that commitment to that has become stronger than I ever thought it would be, and stronger than I ever thought I needed it to be. That’s an insane lesson that I learned in this year.
I’m really glad that I did. There’s a lot that went into that, and there’s a lot that will continue to go into that, and that’s being really, really grounded in the fact that is why I’m here, and that will never change. I felt the feeling in my stomach for many, many years that I was meant for something more than what I was doing. That I was put on this planet for extraordinary, but I didn’t know what that was, and I’m starting to figure that out. It feels fucking good, and the more committed I become to it the deeper it gets. The more completely sure I am of it. That’s why when I say to you guys, anybody on here who’s ever met me in real life this is how I am all the time. I’m committed, and I take that responsibility very seriously. I take it very seriously to be real, and honest with you guys, and that commitment has been life changing for me. The deeper that commitment gets on my purpose, the more real, and raw I am. The better I feel. The more people I can reach, the better everything just flows.
That has been a huge lesson for me this year that I’m extremely grateful for, and just insanely proud of being able to take control, and create that. That would be the next lesson…
Here’s the last lesson. I have always been the strong one, right? Always. I stand in the place of power. I control most conversations. I am the strong girl. Nothing phases me is what I recognized this year is that most people in my life assume that the things that are going around me don’t really phase me that much, because I don’t let them see that. I don’t really let things outwardly phase me, or stop me, or slow me down. While I may think about them constantly, and it may worry me, and I may talk to a couple of people about those specific things that bother me I would never speak about them aloud.
I would never tell the person who disappointed me, or let me down, or hurt me that they hurt me in that moment. My response to them would be like, “No worries. It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. It’s all good.” Then I’d stop, and I’d sit there, and I’d be like, “What the fuck?” I am always on the back burner, and this is nothing intentional, and I’m not talking shit on anyone in my life. This is a normal thing that happens to me by people who are constantly in my life every day, and people who kind of just pass through, or have been passing through for years on, and off. I’ve put a lot of work in, and shined my flashlight in the deep, dark secret circles of corners of my world to recognize those things. To notice patterns in the way I handle my situations.
If you are continuously being treated a specific way by people what’s the common denominator? It’s you, right? If you’re unhappy with this constant attention, or this constant type of treatment that you’re getting. You need to look at you. Not at everyone else. I recognize that, and it was hard, and it’s very difficult for me to be emotional. I’ve always been the cool girl, right? I’ve always been the chick who … Cause all my friends are guys, and when I say that it’s a real thing. I like trucks, and jeeps, and fishing, and getting dirty, and it’s just a part of who I am. I grew up that way. I mean that. I never was super emotional, and to be really honest with you when I’m pissed off, if somebody hurts my feelings, or I get mad, I’m literally mad for 10 minutes. I don’t stay mad. Grudges are irrelevant.
They are a waste of energy, and I’ve always felt that way. In being that way, I never said, “Hey. That’s not okay for you to treat me that way.” Or, “That’s not okay for you to blow me off.” Or, “It’s not okay for you to not respond to what I said, or treat me like a human being, or make me a priority.” I would never say those things to people. I would allow them to treat me that way whether they realize it or not. Whether they were intentionally being malicious or not. I would let them treat me that way, and I would say nothing. Anybody who’s felt disappointed, like they’re not important, like they’re not a priority knows that that’s just not a great feeling. It’s not a great feeling to have, and it wears down on you, and it makes you wonder, “What the fuck? Am I surrounded with a bunch of freaking assholes. Where’s this coming from”…
I spent a lot of time this year breaking that stuff down, and paying a lot of attention to my own patterns around that, and realizing that what point I can control in those situations. What can I do when something someone else does is disrespectful, or hurts my feelings, or is disappointing. Instead of saying, “It’s okay. It’s okay. No worries guys. Don’t worry about it.” In the moment, I tell them how I feel, but here’s the beauty of it, and please know this, because I do not like people who are dramatic, and I am not dramatic ever. I don’t enjoy that. It’s not fun for me, and I hate that people stereotype women as emotional, dramatic creatures that freak the fuck out, and cry all the time. I do not embody that at all. What was cool for me was to recognize that I could say, “Hey, person what you just did or what you just said was disrespectful to me, because X, Y, and Z, and this is how I feel.” I could say it in a respectful, calm manner, to where after the conversation was over I didn’t feel upset about it anymore. I wasn’t thinking about it in my head like, “Why would they do that to me? What the fuck?” Driving myself crazy basically about it, but never saying it out loud I could express those things to people in a calm fashion, and both parties could walk away with the knowledge, the understanding, and feel better about it whether that other person, or not gives a fuck about the fact that they were disrespectful, or hurt me doesn’t matter. I didn’t want them to take up space in my brain anymore. I wasn’t going to allow someone else to take a real estate in my head, because that’s quality space I need for other things, right? Instead I have trained myself, and I’m still working on it, and it takes conscious effort every single day to express myself in the moment if something isn’t right, or I’m treated incorrectly. I just say it, and I say it in a calm.
Like I said it’s not dramatic. It’s not like, “Oh my god why would you do this to me?” I choose not to live my life that way. In business especially. Why wasn’t I doing that in my personal life. I just wasn’t because that was just not who I am. I’ve been through a lot of shit in my past, and my defense mechanism was to be the strong girl. I was told, “Oh my god, you’re so strong.” My whole life, so I just continued to embody that. What I recognize is … And a lot of people go through that, and that’s our defense mechanisms because we become conditioned by what we go through, and that’s how life goes. Creating the reality in my mind that it is acceptable for me to give a fuck, and have feelings, and tell someone, especially men, this is a thing for me with my male friends, and guys that want to date me, and family members, and things like that where I’m like, “Just don’t say anything.” When they’re fucking disrespectful. Instead I do now.
Some of them take it well, and some of them freak out, and some of them look at me like I have 14 heads, because nobody else is honest like that. Which is unfortunate, and makes it a little bit more difficult for me to do, but I’ll say it was a huge lesson that I’ve learned in this past year that I’m glad that I did. It was very hard. It’s heavy, it’s ugly, nobody wants to have those types of conversations, right? I’ll say that I know that my relationships that have stayed true are better than they ever were before. I feel lighter than I ever have before. There is no stress, and drama, and turmoil in my head, because I know that what I’m thinking, feeling, wanting, meeting, whatever is being expressed. In an actual way where the person’s fucking hearing me, because that’s the biggest problem. Communication is the biggest issue in our entire world. Most people don’t even know what they want to begin with, let alone can they communicate it to other people. Basically, when you do that, and your communicating with someone else, it clears so much shit.
either people freeze, because they’re like, “Oh fuck. She’s being honest, and I don’t know what to do with that, because no one else in my life is honest with me.” Or it opens a window to have an actual conversation with someone, and a connection where there is no bullshit, and there is no stress, and there is no drama. What’s interesting about this, and then I’m going to jump … If you guys have any questions, or anything about this, feel free to pop them in. This is the last of the lessons that I really wanted to talk about. The interesting thing about this is that there are several people who have been in my life for many, many years who do not understand this, and it has created quite a bit of distance between us. Even more so than there was when I started out on this journey of creating my own world that no one understands, and they think I’m crazy. This part of it is a whole nother ball game, right?
Because most people don’t tell the truth, and most people don’t look their own shit in the face, let alone talk about it out loud. The fact that I don’t have that as a part of my life anymore isn’t something that most people who have been in my world for many, many years can understand. It creates distance between us, because they assume that there’s drama. Oh my god, what happened? You’re not talking to that person anymore? What happened? Nothing happened. You know what I mean? It doesn’t have to be dramatic, and that’s the problem most people don’t recognize. If they would just shut the fuck up, and tell the truth, and quit lying to themselves, and everyone around them their world would be a much lighter, a much more pleasant place. Trust me, I’ve realized that in the last two years I’ve told more truth than I told in 20 years, and its light, and I don’t have to worry about anything. About who I told what, because I don’t have to worry about that.
The biggest thing is, is most of the time we’re just not honest with ourselves, and that’s where it all stems from, but anyways back to the last thing I said about how I realized that I needed to share my emotions, and I needed to share them on my terms, and I was able to share those things without being a dramatic, emotional, crying mess with people. That realization was probably one of the most powerful things to realize that I can get my point across, and I move forward whether the other person wants to move forward or not is their problem. Not mine. I’m working on this right now. It’s difficult, but so worth it. It’s worth it. I agree. Love the last one, will try for 2018. Awesome Brent. It’s great, and it’s hard, so don’t give up. The appropriate response to be a person being straight with you is, “Thank you.”
It is very refreshing when someone is honest, and straight with you, but I will tell you it’s been a very enlightening experience being upfront about how someone’s actions, or words affect you. Most people don’t know what to say. They just don’t say anything. There are people who’s been part of my life. This just happened to me the other day. A friend of mine he’s been a part of my life over 10 years. I was extremely honest with him. He didn’t know what to say so he didn’t say anything. Which is okay. I’d rather you say nothing than bullshit me. It’s been very enlightening, and it was a huge lesson for this year. I’m excited to continue moving forward, because I think the more you go down this path, and this lifestyle you move onto these things. These things just get deeper, and stronger. The commitment I talked about as my second thing it’s just going to continue to get deeper, and stronger, and more amazing. There’s this intense amazing underlining sense of calm in my life now that I can’t even express.
There is an underlining level of calm in my world that never used to exist, and that I don’t think a lot of people get to. It’s freaking amazing. It’s one of the most empowering things I’ve ever created for myself, because no matter what chaos is going on around me, no matter what is happening, or stress is happening, or whatever’s going on there is an underlining sense of just calm. Whether it’s purpose, or it’s respect, or it’s empowered like I know what I’m doing with my life here kind of thing. I know I got this whether … I don’t know exactly how to describe it other than to say that it’s just this intense underlining calm. I think that comes from these things put together, which is awesome.
Used to all the time when I was younger, and I learned along the way that the truth will truly set you free, and I never let that go. We don’t lie anymore. Absolutely. It’s kind of ridiculous. Lying is a waste of time. Such a waste of time, and most people don’t recognize that. Constantly poking fun, and making jokes is lying. Constantly saying you’re going to do something, and not doing it is lying. All those things are lying. Why? Why even waste your words? It’s bad intention, and attracts bad energy to you. It’s one of those things where it’s just not worth it. I don’t even pay attention to people who talk like that. Yes, that would be I would say my top three lessons if I had to pick three. There’s been a lot of lessons this year, but that would be the top main things is learning that I could even create physical strength that matched my mental strength.
The deeper, deeper commitment to my purpose. And sharing, and being open with you guys, because this is what I’m here for, right? That I can actually … That I need to speak up for myself, and my feelings, and still be able to maintain who I am as a person, and not be labeled as that emotional person. Dave, people are so addicted to lying they don’t even know they’re doing it. Most people have no idea that they’re lying. That’s a very great point. Most people have no idea. Being a genuine honest person will make it hard to get along with many people who don’t live their life by the same truthful standard. It also gives one a lot of inner peace, and strength. 100 percent Anthony, that’s a very, very great point. Most people are very uncomfortable around you when you’re genuinely honest, and living your life a specific way.
It makes other people very, very uncomfortable. Which is not your problem, right? Hopefully it becomes contagious, and they want to shift. It helps with putting yourself out there like you were saying for yourself. Absolutely Dennis, agreed. I hate calling you Dennis. It’s weird. DJ. Aaron, you could be serious like occasionally it might be good. All right you guys. You guys are awesome. I appreciate you watching this, because this is obviously pretty deep. Obviously a really deep look into just the journey that I go on. I share a lot of it with you, and I think there are so many ways to share, and say, and experience the things that we do so I hope this conversation was great for you if you liked it, I love the thumbs up, and the hearts, and all that good jazz. You guys are awesome.
And if you want to share this I’d appreciate it. I think there’s a lot of good nuggets in here that can possibly help some people. Again, I started the conversation about … For those of you who have been on this journey with me, and are so amazing, Emily, like god I can’t wait till the day that I can just hug you. I truly 100 percent appreciate all of you. I’m about to cry. I can’t even tell you how much all of you mean to me. It’s big. You guys mean so much. Thank you. As much as you say I inspire you, and give you strength, you inspire me, and give me strength as well. All right. I’m going to go. I will talk to you guys all soon. Yes, Russ I totally miss you too. Can’t wait to have you back in the group. Anthony, true honesty shakes people up, but will help reveal unhealthy relationships in your life. 100 percent Anthony. I agree, and I believe it’s the epiphany of being a lighthouse.
People see the light when they’re ready to see the light. You can’t force them, but if you continue to be true to who you are, and shine your light as brightly as you feel the need to shine it, some people might not look, but they’ll look when they’re ready. Doesn’t mean you stop shining.