When I say I am creating the life of my dreams, I mean it. But that doesn’t mean I always have a crystal clear view of what it all looks like in detail.
I have an outline, a guideline, an idea…but more importantly a FEELING. I know how I want to feel in my business, in my life, in my love. I know what I won’t settle for. I know what I want. I know what I’m willing to compromise on and what I’m not.
And I know that I CAN and WILL have it.
I remember the first time Tony told me he was just waiting for me to meet people I fit with from my space and move somewhere else.
I was SHOCKED and told him he couldn’t be more wrong.
He said that I didn’t belong in Missouri and he knew it was only a matter of time before I moved. I thought he was insane. Missouri would always be my “hub”. I refused to see it any other way. (Did I mention that I’m stubborn as hell? ha)
I told him I would have houses other places, yes. I would visit those other places regularly, yes. But I’d always have a home and life here in St Louis. He still didn’t believe me.
WHAT WAS HE THINKING SAYING THAT I WOULD MOVE? DID HE NOT KNOW ME AT ALL?
It wasn’t until a couple of years later when I started picturing my home and my life that I didn’t see a clear “location” anymore. It wasn’t a specific town in Missouri anymore.
I didn’t even realize it either, even though I wrote out my vision daily. It wasn’t until months later in a random reflection while driving down one of my favorite back roads did I realize that this was no longer the only option I saw as my forever home.
Now in the spirit of full transparency, this scares the shit out of me. Not only to think about, but also to say out loud. I’ve only just recently admitted this to one of my closest friends, so writing it out here is… um… Scary to say the least.
I questioned myself; Am I just a rambler? Am I not meant to settle anywhere? All of these places feel like they “fit” my soul in one way or another… Maybe I’m just meant to ramble?
Now, I snapped out of that really quick. I don’t think that is the case. I don’t want to be totally location free. I want a place to call home. A place to make memories. A place where my things are always safe. A place where I am always safe.
My mind continued to run rampant… So what do I do now? Do I run to a random city with my jeep and my stuff and my dogs and start a new life tomorrow? Is that how I figure this out?
NO. NO. NO. Not at all.
It’s not about starting a new life.
It’s not about “getting away” or running.
It’s not an emergency that has to happen right now.
It’s not even something that I’m super clear on yet… that is where faith comes into play.
But it IS something that I’ve accepted as an option in part of the journey that I’m trotting down. And in accepting that and being open to it, now I know that I will receive the sign and intuitive instinct or guide that I’m meant to, WHEN I’m meant to.
Faith is tricky like that. It’s ultra exciting when you recognize a new option as an actual possibility and then you get to be open to receiving the message when you’re meant to. You just have to have faith and KNOW that you will know, when it’s time for you to know.
This life is a beautiful thing. It’s full of opportunities and possibilities and endless options.
Sitting back thinking about all of those options that I am no longer closed off from makes me REALLY happy. It’s a strange sense of calming that comes over me when I think about it and I just can’t help but smile.
My lesson here; Don’t close yourself off from SEEING what might actually be out there for you.
Open up. Pay attention. And LISTEN… there is a message trying to get through to you right now… You’re not going to want to miss it.