Real talk. I’ve been going through some shit lately.
Before you get all “Oh my gosh Jamie, WHAT’S WRONG”; please let me explain, nothing is wrong.
When I say, ‘going through some shit’, yes, I mean some not so easy realizations and decisions, which have led to lots of feelings, some darkness, and a lot of stress.
None of those are negative things though, friends!
They are normal, natural things that we MUST go through when we’re dealing with something.
Over the past couple of years, I’ve learned that you need to peel back the layers and REALLY peer into the corners to learn the deep lessons, to kill the stigma, to CHANGE YOUR OUTCOME. And sometimes you need a flashlight because those corners are dusty and dark.
It’s when you take the time to really LOOK, feel, and LEARN that you experience the most growth.
Being in this state of mind that I’ve created, I now realize that I get the luxury of CHOOSING for myself. I don’t have to worry about other people or what someone else would do or even what I “used” to do. I get to make conscious, clear, uninfluenced decisions for myself.
It’s not pretty. It’s not fun. It’s certainly easier said than done and it’s actually pretty fucking exhausting. But on the other end of the spectrum, it truly is LIBERATING.
Sadness, fear, exhaustion, VULNERABILITY are things that for years I never talked about it.
I swept them under the rug and focused on other things… I focused on business (or my job back in the 9-5 days), or organizing every inch of my house, or would accept yet another side job, or I would find projects (usually in the form of a man, to be completely candid). And sometimes all the above.
I would let those things completely occupy my time so I didn’t have to deal with the feelings.
Yes, unhealthy, I know. This USED to be my go-to.
I have since made changes in those areas of my life and made myself sit down and face that shit head on when it comes up. It’s just been a while since I’ve had a pretty big one come up that needed this intense attention or something that cut me this deep.
Something I had been sweeping under the rug for years and years, it was time to face it. The pile under the rug was now tripping me up and I just couldn’t do it anymore. So, I faced it. I’ve been facing it. I’ve been feeling and realizing and diving deep.
Again, never a fun thing to do. BUT If you’re committed to creating the life you really desire, you must face this shit. You must learn the lesson, move on from it, and rise above.
Doing that is a PROCESS.
You must be kind to yourself. You must ride the emotional roller coaster. You must let yourself feel the feelings. You must sit in the darkness. You must sit in the light.
It’s really a beautiful process in the grand scheme of things.
It’s beautiful to see the light in the darkness. It’s beautiful to embrace them one in the same and know that they are both a part of who you are at your core. It’s beautiful to look forward to the future that you know truly BELIEVE is possible.
Yesterday it all caught up with me. The stress. The feelings. The intense immersion I had been doing, it all caught up with me.
I felt like I have been hit by a bus. I was dehydrated. I hadn’t been eating enough the prior week so I felt weak. I had a headache. I was nauseous. My body ached. My eyes hurt. My body and mind were screaming at me that it needed me to rest.
So, I listened. I listened to my body and stayed in bed. I cancelled most of my day. I made sure my clients were taken care of and then shut it down.
I maybe spent an hour max online yesterday. But it’s what I needed. I was back up today, at my normal time, back into my routine. Still feeling slow and a little weak BUT mentally, strong and much clearer.
I’m so grateful for the ability to tune in and listen to myself. To really HEAR what I need and feel it.
Look, my point here is that WE’RE ALL HUMAN.
And trying to be a robot who never deals with their shit and pretends like they’re are untouchable will eventually cut you down. You can’t run that way for long, so why do it at all?
Listen to yourself.
Engulf yourself in what you’re going through.
Look WITHIN yourself for the lessons.
And sometimes, you just need to quiet everything down and REST to truly stay on the path you’re paving.
You want to be the change you wish to see in this world? Be kind to yourself first. Because you can’t serve others if you’re own shit isn’t in order first.